๏ผ consternation is stitched into his expression, worrying at his brow and tugging his mouth down at the corners. time hangs suspended between them, and he takes more than his share of it in thought. not refutation, or refusal — simply considering what he wishes to convey, and how.
he has never needed to worry so keenly about not wishing to harm another with his words. ๏ผ
I do not understand how you can behave normally around me with what I have spoken of to you.
[As Itachi has taken steps to mind his words, so has Wei Wuxian learned to wait for them. There is no need to fill the silence or to rush Itachi along to hear his thoughts, and instead Wei Wuxian remains patient as he waits, rubbing his thumb along the back of Itachi's hand without realizing.
It's a fair question, he thinks, even if he doesn't know how to answer it immediately.]
It isn't that it doesn't matter to me. [He begins with, because it does matter, if not entirely in the way Itachi expects it to or perhaps thinks it should. But it does matter. It's the moment that shaped the rest of Itachi's life, and a crime that Wei Wuxian knows he carries on his back every day. It's horrible and horrifying in equal measures. He won't pretend like it's nothing. To do so would be so egregious an error that he wouldn't deserve the right to Itachi's friendship or affections.]
I think if I had learned this just as we met I...it might have been different. [Maybe. It's possible they might have ended up here eventually anyway, but it would have been a longer harder road.]
But even if it matters, it doesn't change my affection for you. Or my trust in you. It matters, but it isn't the sum of you.
๏ผ the touch to his hand is suddenly fraught, and itachi reclaims it. he's slow to do so, rather than the flicker of instinct that drives him to withdraw apace. one final tightening of his fingers against the other man's, and then he steps back. ๏ผ
I would ask that you leave. We will speak during the mission.
[His fingers twitch in the absence of Itachi's and for just a fragment of a moment, it seems he might say something else. After a pregnant pause, the moment passes and Wei Wuxian nods slowly, offering Itachi a flickering smile.]
Alright. Be safe. [And then he turns to slip his feet back into his shoes and is gone.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
he has never needed to worry so keenly about not wishing to harm another with his words. ๏ผ
I do not understand how you can behave normally around me with what I have spoken of to you.
no subject
It's a fair question, he thinks, even if he doesn't know how to answer it immediately.]
It isn't that it doesn't matter to me. [He begins with, because it does matter, if not entirely in the way Itachi expects it to or perhaps thinks it should. But it does matter. It's the moment that shaped the rest of Itachi's life, and a crime that Wei Wuxian knows he carries on his back every day. It's horrible and horrifying in equal measures. He won't pretend like it's nothing. To do so would be so egregious an error that he wouldn't deserve the right to Itachi's friendship or affections.]
I think if I had learned this just as we met I...it might have been different. [Maybe. It's possible they might have ended up here eventually anyway, but it would have been a longer harder road.]
But even if it matters, it doesn't change my affection for you. Or my trust in you. It matters, but it isn't the sum of you.
no subject
I would ask that you leave. We will speak during the mission.
๏ผ but right now? he needs to be alone. ๏ผ
no subject
Alright. Be safe. [And then he turns to slip his feet back into his shoes and is gone.]