logically, he knows that there is no value in keeping the ximilia from his brother. in fact, it only harkens back to old habits — and old failures. once, to be worthy of a second chance, he made a choice. now comes due the cost.
and yet — it is easy to strip himself away from the telling, dispassionate and informational, no weight behind it save what is implied. it is easy to vivisect his own pride, his own preference for secrecy, to lay bare the truth no matter the sting of it for the sole reason that sasuke has earned it of him. his feelings have never mattered by contrast to the enormity of his brother's. he has spent his life in eclipse not out of fraternal duty, but because love had demanded it of him. because it had been born in him before sasuke ever drew breath. the world was a pale shadow, muted and amorphous, compared to the colour his brother brought him at a word.
he recognizes, too, that is not the approach he should be taking. it is not the one that is healthy, to treat it like a judicial flaying and not a simple, honest act of communication. but it is, at present, the best he can do to make himself speak at all. the weight of their many silences, their many unspoken things, would otherwise continue to drag them both beneath its vicious riptide. it would fill their lungs to bursting, and drown them as it has been drowning them, in one capacity or another, for more of their lives than not. a clean break is better. it permits healing they would never attain on their own.
he tips his chin up, and studies the canopy. above them, mushroom lamella only enhance the alien nature of the landscape — so very different from their own. ๏ผ
Three years ago, I made a deal with a power very nearly beyond comprehension. 'To undo a regret'.
๏ผ that part, clearly quoted, creates a pinch in his expression. sasuke will not need to guess at that regret — he told his brother plainly during that last fateful conversation. not the massacre. not the lives lost beneath his blade, not the clan all but extinguished, not their parents and the way he had stood in the room with their bodies long enough that the hot tang of blood soaking the very air he breathed turned coppery and cold. he did not regret the cruelty, he did not regret the killing, not the years with akatsuki or the evils done in their name.
it had been, only and ever, not trusting sasuke. ๏ผ
In exchange, I was utilized on missions necessary to that power. It was always intended to be borrowed time. I accepted that at the final conclusion of the last mission, my fate would remain the same as it was in our world, and a new timeline with divergent events would occur at the epicentre of my regret.
๏ผ that a boy named itachi — but not him, would make a choice so very different from his own, and alter the destiny of their accursed clan. ๏ผ
[ Silence hangs heavy in air already thick with fungal spores and the detritus of floral rebirth, each breath in filling his lungs to capacity faster than it feels they should. Is he imagining it? Is it the compression of his own chest? "Anxiety" and "stress" are words allowed only to civilians, not to shinobi, and the rare spikes of panic he's experienced under Orochimaru's gaze or when subjected to Obito's callous revelations aren't something he lets himself entertain here.
It's almost easier when Itachi starts speaking, revealing to him something so unbelievable that at first he's unsure how to respond. His first question โ why? โ is answered by his claim that things would remain the same in their world. Not even necessarily because Sasuke believes they should, as that's a lesson he's learned but not worn well, but because he can't imagine his brother seeking any kind of happier resolution for himself. ]
And this power... thisโ [ He falters uncharacteristically, eyes chancing upward at the meteor tearing through the sky above them. It's surreal, in part because it's a reality inside Tsukuyomi that he hasn't experienced firsthand. ]
Whatever the source of it was, it's what resurrected you. That's how you were available to LILITH, and how they were able to continue to use you in the same way. [ Without his own realization or conscious awareness, the hand at his side has curled into a fist. ]
๏ผ a single word, yet there are tomes of possibility within it, written in blood ink. a dark gaze flickers to sasuke's hand, the curl of his fingers in against his palm. his brother's reaction to emotional turmoil is violence, always violence — and itachi knows that is no one's fault but his. ๏ผ
However, it is equally possible that... an individual I came to call a friend has sent me here, intending to safeguard my life from its inevitable end. Or that it was done to give me an opportunity to speak with you.
๏ผ that last conversation they had, before the final mission began... yes, it would not surprise him to learn that this is viveca's hand at work. ๏ผ
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no subject
logically, he knows that there is no value in keeping the ximilia from his brother. in fact, it only harkens back to old habits — and old failures. once, to be worthy of a second chance, he made a choice. now comes due the cost.
and yet — it is easy to strip himself away from the telling, dispassionate and informational, no weight behind it save what is implied. it is easy to vivisect his own pride, his own preference for secrecy, to lay bare the truth no matter the sting of it for the sole reason that sasuke has earned it of him. his feelings have never mattered by contrast to the enormity of his brother's. he has spent his life in eclipse not out of fraternal duty, but because love had demanded it of him. because it had been born in him before sasuke ever drew breath. the world was a pale shadow, muted and amorphous, compared to the colour his brother brought him at a word.
he recognizes, too, that is not the approach he should be taking. it is not the one that is healthy, to treat it like a judicial flaying and not a simple, honest act of communication. but it is, at present, the best he can do to make himself speak at all. the weight of their many silences, their many unspoken things, would otherwise continue to drag them both beneath its vicious riptide. it would fill their lungs to bursting, and drown them as it has been drowning them, in one capacity or another, for more of their lives than not. a clean break is better. it permits healing they would never attain on their own.
he tips his chin up, and studies the canopy. above them, mushroom lamella only enhance the alien nature of the landscape — so very different from their own. ๏ผ
Three years ago, I made a deal with a power very nearly beyond comprehension. 'To undo a regret'.
๏ผ that part, clearly quoted, creates a pinch in his expression. sasuke will not need to guess at that regret — he told his brother plainly during that last fateful conversation. not the massacre. not the lives lost beneath his blade, not the clan all but extinguished, not their parents and the way he had stood in the room with their bodies long enough that the hot tang of blood soaking the very air he breathed turned coppery and cold. he did not regret the cruelty, he did not regret the killing, not the years with akatsuki or the evils done in their name.
it had been, only and ever, not trusting sasuke. ๏ผ
In exchange, I was utilized on missions necessary to that power. It was always intended to be borrowed time. I accepted that at the final conclusion of the last mission, my fate would remain the same as it was in our world, and a new timeline with divergent events would occur at the epicentre of my regret.
๏ผ that a boy named itachi — but not him, would make a choice so very different from his own, and alter the destiny of their accursed clan. ๏ผ
no subject
It's almost easier when Itachi starts speaking, revealing to him something so unbelievable that at first he's unsure how to respond. His first question โ why? โ is answered by his claim that things would remain the same in their world. Not even necessarily because Sasuke believes they should, as that's a lesson he's learned but not worn well, but because he can't imagine his brother seeking any kind of happier resolution for himself. ]
And this power... thisโ [ He falters uncharacteristically, eyes chancing upward at the meteor tearing through the sky above them. It's surreal, in part because it's a reality inside Tsukuyomi that he hasn't experienced firsthand. ]
Whatever the source of it was, it's what resurrected you. That's how you were available to LILITH, and how they were able to continue to use you in the same way. [ Without his own realization or conscious awareness, the hand at his side has curled into a fist. ]
no subject
๏ผ a single word, yet there are tomes of possibility within it, written in blood ink. a dark gaze flickers to sasuke's hand, the curl of his fingers in against his palm. his brother's reaction to emotional turmoil is violence, always violence — and itachi knows that is no one's fault but his. ๏ผ
However, it is equally possible that... an individual I came to call a friend has sent me here, intending to safeguard my life from its inevitable end. Or that it was done to give me an opportunity to speak with you.
๏ผ that last conversation they had, before the final mission began... yes, it would not surprise him to learn that this is viveca's hand at work. ๏ผ