[A shaky exhale escapes him and he nods, crossing the threshold and stepping inside. He's never actually been inside of Itachi's room and he takes it in with a blank gaze, seeing without really seeing anything at all. The only thing that catches his attention is the slow crawl of a spider across one of the walls. His lips twitch, but even seeing Spiders here isn't enough to warrant more than that.]
Thanks.
[Once he's inside, he isn't sure where to sit and he abruptly feels very foolish. Running here to...to what? Cry some more? Ask for understanding? He shifts his weight and shakes his head at himself. He's here now and it would be even more foolish to leave just as he got here.]
I couldn't go back to my room right now. I don't want Gwen to...[He shrugs, trailing off.] I can be quiet. I won't bother you.
If I thought you would be a bother, I would not have opened my door.
（ there is a deliberate firmness to his tone, one that decries all argument.
his room is almost entirely without personality. nothing adorns the walls, nothing decorates the desk. bedding is neatly folded at the foot of the bed, but it's quite clear he's never slept on it. there are several books in japanese on the single shelf, and a small cactus. the room barely even has a scent, just the faint lingering of tea and of nail polish remover.
he puts a hand on wei wuxian's shoulder and steers him to the bed, pushes him down to sit. ）
[Some of the tension drains from his posture when Itachi steers him to sit, and he lets out a soft sigh.]
Tea would be nice, thank you. [He's quiet as Itachi prepares the tea, watching him find what he needs and get it ready. It's soothing in a way he misses. Zewu-jun does the same. Maybe he should find a good tea set. He could probably find something to use as table too, or make one himself if he can find some wood on the next mission. The thoughts drift through his mind aimlessly and inevitably fade away, replaced by the heavier more tiring thoughts that have been occupying his mind for hours now.]
Is there anyone here from your world? [He asks without really planning to, eyes alighting on Itachi's figure still preparing the tea.]
（ he busies himself with heating the water, preparing the leaves. the question does not merit pause, he simply responds: ）
There was. A man named Nara Shikamaru. He returned to our world after the mission in Badrock.
（ to be replaced almost immediately by hatake kakashi, but he will not speak of kakashi. it is a way of answering the question in part but not its whole — not because he is especially concerned with what wei wuxian would do with the information so much as he is exceedingly private. kakashi was a part of his young life the way shikamaru never was, and he knows more about him besides. ）
[He nods, wondering what that was like for him. If it was similar to what being here with Zewu-jun is like. It's easier with Huaisang even if Huaisang knows just as much about him. He wonders if Nara Shikamaru was his friend, foe, or something in between.]
You know about Zewu-jun. And maybe you've met Nie Huaisang. He arrived the same time as me. [He grows quiet again.]
They both outlived me of course. They're both still alive. I'm glad for it. [He tacks on quickly, realizing he might be mistaken for bitter.]
...I don't know how many years it's been for them since, I've never asked. I've never asked them about anything. [He lets out a wet laugh and shakes his head at himself.] It's cowardly, I know. But it's not my future. My story there is over.
（ it is as he said — he is dead. whatever allure the future holds is irrelevant to him. itachi had asked shikamaru about only one thing — sasuke, and he holds that it is the only thing he cares to know. whatever else the future may hold for his brother, he survives to nineteen. ）
Being here affords us the opportunity to... continue, after death. If the orbs are to be trusted, we will be permitted to amend a regret from our living days. But our lives, such as they were, are over. Troubling yourself about what followed your death will not bring you peace. There will always be some new injury, some new death among your peers to tie yourself in knots about. The wiser thing is not to ask anything to which you do not wish to know the answer.
[He's quiet for a very long time, the weight of Jiang Cheng's name on his back. Itachi would be right if not for him.]
If it were just that, I wouldn't argue. Finding out how the world has moved on, what has become of old friends...
[Another heavy silence.]
I have a brother. [The words fall like a secret, quiet and sorrowful. It isn't the first time he's mentioned him he knows, but mentioning him in passing is different than in context.] Not by blood. I was adopted. [It would be an unnecessary detail except he has to say it. He doesn't deserve to call them family anymore, even if they always will be in his heart.]
Our clan was slaughtered during the war. Only me and my brother and sister survived. It was just the three of us.
[I was responsible for my sister's death, he had told him. I died.]
He's all that's left. He held our sister in his arms as she...and I died that same night. So. I am a coward. I can't bring myself to ask if he's okay because I know what the answer will be and I can't bear to hear it. [Tears fall silently down his cheeks and he doesn't raise a hand to stop them.]
（ he has been at this game too long to give anything away. he simply continues pouring tea out into two small cups. whatever the truth or reality of the thing is, he is aware that wei wuxian feels somehow responsible for it — but he also knows just as well that he did not lift the blade.
he comes to where the man is sitting, presses the steaming cup into his hands. then he simply — looks at him a time, mouth a thin line. there is nothing that resembles emotion on his face, but at length he shrugs his overlarge sweater down over one shoulder, and uses the extra fabric now gathered at his fingertips to lean in and wipe wei wuxian's tears away with all the gentle patience of an older brother. wei wuxian is nothing like sasuke and so does not evoke that memory, but it's clearly not the first time he's done such a thing in his life. ）
It still isn't cowardice. If you know or can guess what the answer will be, what you have is hope.
[The gentleness of Itachi's touch is unexpected and it shatters something inside of him, reminding him suddenly of his shijie. She would wipe his tears away just the same, sometimes with her bare fingers, others with a cloth or her own robes, always while speaking so gently and with so much kindness.
He crumbles, bowing his head and lifting the hand not holding the tea to cover his eyes, destroyed by the comfort he knows he doesn't deserve and craves so fiercely anyway.
Silent sobs wrack his body and he slams both eyes closed, trying desperately to regain control. He hadn't meant to fall apart like this. It's shameful and needy. Burdensome. What a saint Itachi is not to kick him out right here and now. It's far more than he deserves.]
（ wei wuxian crumples over, and itachi sets a hand against his shoulder, squeezes it faintly and then retreats to where he'd brewed the tea, and left his own cup.
he says nothing. he has been through worse storms than this, and so he just gives the man space in his wild grief and lets him be, tolerant and placid, sipping tea in the silence that follows. he does not trouble himself to count the moments between heartbeats. in fact, he gives no mind to the passage of time at all.
it is only when it seems the worst of the pain has abated that he speaks, to say: ）
When I was a boy, I lived in a place called Konohagakure. It means, 'The village hidden in the leaves'. Do you recall the place we met in Taeum? You said it 'would have been nicer with people'. It was my home. And you were right — those streets being empty is not unlike a body absent its soul.
[He appreciates the hand as much as he appreciates its eventual withdrawal, warm comfort offered without drawing attention to the state he's in. They sit there for a long time, Wei Wuxian crying and Itachi letting him. It's one of the best things anyone has ever done for him.
Eventually his tears slow and he takes tentative sips at his tea, swiping at his eyes to make himself a little more presentable.
He grows so used to the companionable silence that Itachi's voice startles him.
The admittance comes as a surprise and he recalls the village they'd walked through. The details have gone from his mind, but he does remember it being peaceful. Only now he thinks that peace must not have been peace for Itachi at all.]
（ he says nothing of the uchiha themselves, nor of the compound. nor the fact that seeing it, empty and devoid of all suggestion of life, was not worse than seeing it with blood running in the gutters.
instead, he simply raises a hand, tucks his loose hair down behind one ear. ）
It was often still, when I would return home from missions. It was not overly strange in that respect.
[Given what little he knows of Itachi's past, he knows it couldn't have been simple to be there even if it was as he said. He stares at his tea and takes another sip, exhaling quietly and rubbing at his eyes. They're irritated and gummy from crying and he'sgoing to take a long hot shower when he finally makes it back to his room. He lifts his gaze from the tea to rest on Itachi, deciding that he can probe a little. If it's unwanted, Itachi will make it known.]
Did you ever go back to your village after whatever happened to have them label you as a criminal?
（ after sarutobi hiruzen's death. observing naruto was an easy cover, and jiraiya had been forewarned of akatsuki's approach through one of the many various channels he utilized to leak information to konoha. but his goal had always been to rattle danzo's cage, and let him know — he was watching.
encountering sasuke had been a mistake, something he had not anticipated.
he still, in many respects, saw his brother only as a child. he did not expect to find him nearly grown. ）
My role necessitated I tarry there several hours, a little over three years ago by my perception. I did not see it again before I died.
Did you leave anyone behind? [The question comes without thought, but once it's out, he stands by it. With Jiang Cheng heavy on his mind, he can't help but wonder. All of this—his regret—is for someone he cared about, Wei Wuxian remembers that much. Someone Itachi is trying to spare.
It wouldn't be a stretch to think that it had been Itachi's crimes that had led to the fate that had befallen him. (Or maybe he's just projecting.)]
（ sometimes it feels the beat of his heart follows the rhythm of sasuke's name. from the first moment the held him in the hospital, he had known there was nothing he would not do for him. he had only ever wished to spare him from the cruelties of their world, but in the end he had been the thing to drag him into the muck and the mire. his actions were the undertow that pulled him beneath the dark waters of the shinobi life.
he had been so blind, then. ）
His name is Sasuke.
（ no emotion muddies his tone, or overtakes his inscrutable expression. if not for what wei wuxian already knows of his regret — and even then, barely the footnotes of that sad old story — it would be impossible to discern sasuke has anything to do with his being aboard the ximilia at all. ）
[He doesn't have to ask if this brother is the same person his regret revolves around. Not because Itachi gives any indication, but because Wei Wuxian has a brother too. Because his own regret at its core is all about Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli. He knows what it is to be a sibling. Knows the all consuming love it entails.
A soft sound escapes from his throat, pained for the both of them even if Itachi doesn't want it.
I bet you were a good older brother. He doesn't let the words pass his lips even as the memory of Itachi wiping his tears only moments ago springs to mind. They're too alike for it to be so simple. Criminal and terrorist, he'd said. Wei Wuxian thinks he might hurt him if he let those words out. (And there is no question in his mind whether older or younger brother. It is older brothers after all who must look after their siblings.)]
My brother's name is Jiang Cheng. [Then, with some effort—] "Yún kuò yān shēn shù, jiāng chéng shuǐ yù qiū." "Vast clouds and mists entwine the deep forest trees; autumn bathes in the clear river." It's common where I'm from to derive names from poetry. His name means clear river.
[He doesn't know why he's telling Itachi any of this, but it feels nice to share.]
His name does not have meaning in that way — its characters, taken together, mean 'assistance' or 'aid'.
（ he sends a quick text message of the two kanji — «佐助» ）
He was named after a great shinobi warrior of our village, Sarutobi Sasuke, whose son would be renowned as Hokage in my time. My parents chose the name to honour him.
[It's a good name, especially for a warrior, he thinks.]
I like his name. It's hopeful. [There's a faint smile on his lips but it dims a moment later, exhaustion showing through.]
If I can succeed in righting my regret, my sister and brother will get to have the lives they should have but it won't undo the choices I made. I hear people here talking about their regrets like it'll make everything okay, but it doesn't feel that way to me.
( hope does not feel like something left as his brother's inheritance in their world. it is only the curse of their clan and endless loneliness stretching on the path before him. the quirk at one corner of his mouth betrays nothing. )
For some, it may be enough. But lives and regrets both are complicated — and new difficulties will arise from what of our histories have changed. The orbs possess no altruism — there will be many unforeseen consequences, and I do not believe most to have thought them through.
( footsteps on a mountain are sufficient to start an avalanche. he is aware that telling sasuke and enlisting his assistance against the coup may not be enough. he will be swinging danzō's focus around on his brother that much sooner, and unless he remembers his time here he will be no match for the man himself.
but if he dies, and shisui survives — that would be enough to save sasuke. kotoamatsukami could still be brought into play, and well worth his own life in exchange. )
[There's something reassuring about Itachi not speaking about it like he's heard others. It feels more real this way, acknowledging the fallout. Even if everything did go to plan, it wouldn't change that somewhere sometime, he had brought ruin upon his loved ones.]
There's so much that can go wrong. [And considering his own regret will take him out of the picture, he wouldn't be there to try to stop it. Then again, it's not like any of his choices have ever done anything but hurt others.
Zewu-jun's words rise to the surface of his thoughts and bitterness wells within him again.]
I haven't told you about my crimes. What they were. The things I did. There were many, some more founded than others. Tonight I learned of something new.
Yes. [If you're willing to hear it he does not add. Itachi has made it clear that he doesn't tolerate what he doesn't wish to. Slowly, Wei Wuxian is beginning to believe him. He's like Lan Wangji in that way, never saying what he doesn't mean. The thought sends a lancing ache through him and he sets it aside.]
I was—am—an inventor. I like to fiddle with things. It's not always intentional, I get ideas in my head and I want to know how things work. Mostly, I come up with new talismans and arrays. I also created a weapon.
The cultivation world was happy enough with my inventions during the war. They encouraged its use. [His lips twist into a mirthless smile.] After the war, they turned on me, demanding I hand over my weapon because such a powerful artefact shouldn't be in the hands of a single person. [He laughs.] It was as thinly veiled a grab for my power as it sounds.
They weren't wrong about that weapon though. It was too dangerous for anyone, but I don't fool myself into believing that they wanted it to keep others safe. The leader of the cultivation world was the one who wanted it the most. He was a cowardly power-hungry man, angry that I wasn't under his control.
[He flicks his gaze to the side, irritated at the memory of him.] I destroyed it before I died. But the rest of my inventions were left behind in a cave. They weren't...I never intended them for use. In the end, I was barely sleeping, wasn't eating. My mind was...I wrote whatever came to it, good or bad.
I created a foolish array in one of my sleepless fits. It allowed a person who was angry enough and determined enough to restore someone dead back to life and have that person avenge them at the cost of their own immortal soul. [He stops and stares into his tea cup, something pained slipping into his expression.]
I barely remember making it, I was half out of my mind and exhausted all the time. I made so many things back then. I don't remember what I was thinking. Maybe it was some stupid wish fulfilment or....I don't know. [He grows quiet again. The story isn't finished yet, but he needs a moment to gather the rest of it.]
（ he listens, because that is what is needed from him in this moment. little of what is spoken bears replying — he recognizes the story as catharsis, poison drawn from a wound.
if he created the array shortly before he died, and came to the ximilia at the point that followed his death, then it is doubtful he has spoken about the matter before to anyone — and he clearly does not wish to burden gwen with the telling.
wei wuxian breaks off, falls briefly silent and itachi takes that as an opportunity to refill the man's cup. ）
It was used for this purpose, then?
（ he is nearly certain. what else would have shaken him so badly, but to learn that from lan xichen? ）
[He inclines his head in a slight nod when Itachi refills his tea and then sighs.
After another pause, he nods and continues.]
After I died, they raided the cave I was staying in. Zewu-jun says they divided up everything between the sects. The Jin sect—[the way he practically spits the name out makes it obvious how he feels about them]—the man I mentioned, the one who'd been after my power, was given access to everything I ever designed.
I didn't ask Zewu-jun who used the array, but someone did. [His hands tighten around the tea and when he raises his eyes to meet Itachi's again, there's guilt there, but there's also fury.]
They said I was an abomination. That my works needed to be destroyed. They said they were after justice and righteousness. [His voice trembles and he scoffs.]
I knew they were power hungry hypocrites, that's not new, I just didn't think—I didn't think that even after I was gone I would have more blood on my hands because of it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Thanks.
[Once he's inside, he isn't sure where to sit and he abruptly feels very foolish. Running here to...to what? Cry some more? Ask for understanding? He shifts his weight and shakes his head at himself. He's here now and it would be even more foolish to leave just as he got here.]
I couldn't go back to my room right now. I don't want Gwen to...[He shrugs, trailing off.] I can be quiet. I won't bother you.
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（ there is a deliberate firmness to his tone, one that decries all argument.
his room is almost entirely without personality. nothing adorns the walls, nothing decorates the desk. bedding is neatly folded at the foot of the bed, but it's quite clear he's never slept on it. there are several books in japanese on the single shelf, and a small cactus. the room barely even has a scent, just the faint lingering of tea and of nail polish remover.
he puts a hand on wei wuxian's shoulder and steers him to the bed, pushes him down to sit. ）
Would you like tea?
no subject
Tea would be nice, thank you. [He's quiet as Itachi prepares the tea, watching him find what he needs and get it ready. It's soothing in a way he misses. Zewu-jun does the same. Maybe he should find a good tea set. He could probably find something to use as table too, or make one himself if he can find some wood on the next mission. The thoughts drift through his mind aimlessly and inevitably fade away, replaced by the heavier more tiring thoughts that have been occupying his mind for hours now.]
Is there anyone here from your world? [He asks without really planning to, eyes alighting on Itachi's figure still preparing the tea.]
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There was. A man named Nara Shikamaru. He returned to our world after the mission in Badrock.
（ to be replaced almost immediately by hatake kakashi, but he will not speak of kakashi. it is a way of answering the question in part but not its whole — not because he is especially concerned with what wei wuxian would do with the information so much as he is exceedingly private. kakashi was a part of his young life the way shikamaru never was, and he knows more about him besides. ）
no subject
You know about Zewu-jun. And maybe you've met Nie Huaisang. He arrived the same time as me. [He grows quiet again.]
They both outlived me of course. They're both still alive. I'm glad for it. [He tacks on quickly, realizing he might be mistaken for bitter.]
...I don't know how many years it's been for them since, I've never asked. I've never asked them about anything. [He lets out a wet laugh and shakes his head at himself.] It's cowardly, I know. But it's not my future. My story there is over.
no subject
（ it is as he said — he is dead. whatever allure the future holds is irrelevant to him. itachi had asked shikamaru about only one thing — sasuke, and he holds that it is the only thing he cares to know. whatever else the future may hold for his brother, he survives to nineteen. ）
Being here affords us the opportunity to... continue, after death. If the orbs are to be trusted, we will be permitted to amend a regret from our living days. But our lives, such as they were, are over. Troubling yourself about what followed your death will not bring you peace. There will always be some new injury, some new death among your peers to tie yourself in knots about. The wiser thing is not to ask anything to which you do not wish to know the answer.
no subject
If it were just that, I wouldn't argue. Finding out how the world has moved on, what has become of old friends...
[Another heavy silence.]
I have a brother. [The words fall like a secret, quiet and sorrowful. It isn't the first time he's mentioned him he knows, but mentioning him in passing is different than in context.] Not by blood. I was adopted. [It would be an unnecessary detail except he has to say it. He doesn't deserve to call them family anymore, even if they always will be in his heart.]
Our clan was slaughtered during the war. Only me and my brother and sister survived. It was just the three of us.
[I was responsible for my sister's death, he had told him. I died.]
He's all that's left. He held our sister in his arms as she...and I died that same night. So. I am a coward. I can't bring myself to ask if he's okay because I know what the answer will be and I can't bear to hear it. [Tears fall silently down his cheeks and he doesn't raise a hand to stop them.]
no subject
（ he has been at this game too long to give anything away. he simply continues pouring tea out into two small cups. whatever the truth or reality of the thing is, he is aware that wei wuxian feels somehow responsible for it — but he also knows just as well that he did not lift the blade.
he comes to where the man is sitting, presses the steaming cup into his hands. then he simply — looks at him a time, mouth a thin line. there is nothing that resembles emotion on his face, but at length he shrugs his overlarge sweater down over one shoulder, and uses the extra fabric now gathered at his fingertips to lean in and wipe wei wuxian's tears away with all the gentle patience of an older brother. wei wuxian is nothing like sasuke and so does not evoke that memory, but it's clearly not the first time he's done such a thing in his life. ）
It still isn't cowardice. If you know or can guess what the answer will be, what you have is hope.
no subject
He crumbles, bowing his head and lifting the hand not holding the tea to cover his eyes, destroyed by the comfort he knows he doesn't deserve and craves so fiercely anyway.
Silent sobs wrack his body and he slams both eyes closed, trying desperately to regain control. He hadn't meant to fall apart like this. It's shameful and needy. Burdensome. What a saint Itachi is not to kick him out right here and now. It's far more than he deserves.]
no subject
he says nothing. he has been through worse storms than this, and so he just gives the man space in his wild grief and lets him be, tolerant and placid, sipping tea in the silence that follows. he does not trouble himself to count the moments between heartbeats. in fact, he gives no mind to the passage of time at all.
it is only when it seems the worst of the pain has abated that he speaks, to say: ）
When I was a boy, I lived in a place called Konohagakure. It means, 'The village hidden in the leaves'. Do you recall the place we met in Taeum? You said it 'would have been nicer with people'. It was my home. And you were right — those streets being empty is not unlike a body absent its soul.
no subject
Eventually his tears slow and he takes tentative sips at his tea, swiping at his eyes to make himself a little more presentable.
He grows so used to the companionable silence that Itachi's voice startles him.
The admittance comes as a surprise and he recalls the village they'd walked through. The details have gone from his mind, but he does remember it being peaceful. Only now he thinks that peace must not have been peace for Itachi at all.]
It must have been so strange to see it like that.
no subject
instead, he simply raises a hand, tucks his loose hair down behind one ear. ）
It was often still, when I would return home from missions. It was not overly strange in that respect.
no subject
Did you ever go back to your village after whatever happened to have them label you as a criminal?
no subject
（ after sarutobi hiruzen's death. observing naruto was an easy cover, and jiraiya had been forewarned of akatsuki's approach through one of the many various channels he utilized to leak information to konoha. but his goal had always been to rattle danzo's cage, and let him know — he was watching.
encountering sasuke had been a mistake, something he had not anticipated.
he still, in many respects, saw his brother only as a child. he did not expect to find him nearly grown. ）
My role necessitated I tarry there several hours, a little over three years ago by my perception. I did not see it again before I died.
no subject
It wouldn't be a stretch to think that it had been Itachi's crimes that had led to the fate that had befallen him. (Or maybe he's just projecting.)]
no subject
（ sometimes it feels the beat of his heart follows the rhythm of sasuke's name. from the first moment the held him in the hospital, he had known there was nothing he would not do for him. he had only ever wished to spare him from the cruelties of their world, but in the end he had been the thing to drag him into the muck and the mire. his actions were the undertow that pulled him beneath the dark waters of the shinobi life.
he had been so blind, then. ）
His name is Sasuke.
（ no emotion muddies his tone, or overtakes his inscrutable expression. if not for what wei wuxian already knows of his regret — and even then, barely the footnotes of that sad old story — it would be impossible to discern sasuke has anything to do with his being aboard the ximilia at all. ）
no subject
A soft sound escapes from his throat, pained for the both of them even if Itachi doesn't want it.
I bet you were a good older brother. He doesn't let the words pass his lips even as the memory of Itachi wiping his tears only moments ago springs to mind. They're too alike for it to be so simple. Criminal and terrorist, he'd said. Wei Wuxian thinks he might hurt him if he let those words out. (And there is no question in his mind whether older or younger brother. It is older brothers after all who must look after their siblings.)]
My brother's name is Jiang Cheng. [Then, with some effort—] "Yún kuò yān shēn shù, jiāng chéng shuǐ yù qiū." "Vast clouds and mists entwine the deep forest trees; autumn bathes in the clear river." It's common where I'm from to derive names from poetry. His name means clear river.
[He doesn't know why he's telling Itachi any of this, but it feels nice to share.]
What does Sasuke's name mean?
no subject
（ he sends a quick text message of the two kanji — «佐助» ）
He was named after a great shinobi warrior of our village, Sarutobi Sasuke, whose son would be renowned as Hokage in my time. My parents chose the name to honour him.
no subject
I like his name. It's hopeful. [There's a faint smile on his lips but it dims a moment later, exhaustion showing through.]
If I can succeed in righting my regret, my sister and brother will get to have the lives they should have but it won't undo the choices I made. I hear people here talking about their regrets like it'll make everything okay, but it doesn't feel that way to me.
no subject
For some, it may be enough. But lives and regrets both are complicated — and new difficulties will arise from what of our histories have changed. The orbs possess no altruism — there will be many unforeseen consequences, and I do not believe most to have thought them through.
( footsteps on a mountain are sufficient to start an avalanche. he is aware that telling sasuke and enlisting his assistance against the coup may not be enough. he will be swinging danzō's focus around on his brother that much sooner, and unless he remembers his time here he will be no match for the man himself.
but if he dies, and shisui survives — that would be enough to save sasuke. kotoamatsukami could still be brought into play, and well worth his own life in exchange. )
no subject
There's so much that can go wrong. [And considering his own regret will take him out of the picture, he wouldn't be there to try to stop it. Then again, it's not like any of his choices have ever done anything but hurt others.
Zewu-jun's words rise to the surface of his thoughts and bitterness wells within him again.]
I haven't told you about my crimes. What they were. The things I did. There were many, some more founded than others. Tonight I learned of something new.
no subject
in the interim, he studies wei wuxian dispassionately. then: )
Do you wish to speak on it?
no subject
I was—am—an inventor. I like to fiddle with things. It's not always intentional, I get ideas in my head and I want to know how things work. Mostly, I come up with new talismans and arrays. I also created a weapon.
The cultivation world was happy enough with my inventions during the war. They encouraged its use. [His lips twist into a mirthless smile.] After the war, they turned on me, demanding I hand over my weapon because such a powerful artefact shouldn't be in the hands of a single person. [He laughs.] It was as thinly veiled a grab for my power as it sounds.
They weren't wrong about that weapon though. It was too dangerous for anyone, but I don't fool myself into believing that they wanted it to keep others safe. The leader of the cultivation world was the one who wanted it the most. He was a cowardly power-hungry man, angry that I wasn't under his control.
[He flicks his gaze to the side, irritated at the memory of him.] I destroyed it before I died. But the rest of my inventions were left behind in a cave. They weren't...I never intended them for use. In the end, I was barely sleeping, wasn't eating. My mind was...I wrote whatever came to it, good or bad.
I created a foolish array in one of my sleepless fits. It allowed a person who was angry enough and determined enough to restore someone dead back to life and have that person avenge them at the cost of their own immortal soul. [He stops and stares into his tea cup, something pained slipping into his expression.]
I barely remember making it, I was half out of my mind and exhausted all the time. I made so many things back then. I don't remember what I was thinking. Maybe it was some stupid wish fulfilment or....I don't know. [He grows quiet again. The story isn't finished yet, but he needs a moment to gather the rest of it.]
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if he created the array shortly before he died, and came to the ximilia at the point that followed his death, then it is doubtful he has spoken about the matter before to anyone — and he clearly does not wish to burden gwen with the telling.
wei wuxian breaks off, falls briefly silent and itachi takes that as an opportunity to refill the man's cup. ）
It was used for this purpose, then?
（ he is nearly certain. what else would have shaken him so badly, but to learn that from lan xichen? ）
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After another pause, he nods and continues.]
After I died, they raided the cave I was staying in. Zewu-jun says they divided up everything between the sects. The Jin sect—[the way he practically spits the name out makes it obvious how he feels about them]—the man I mentioned, the one who'd been after my power, was given access to everything I ever designed.
I didn't ask Zewu-jun who used the array, but someone did. [His hands tighten around the tea and when he raises his eyes to meet Itachi's again, there's guilt there, but there's also fury.]
They said I was an abomination. That my works needed to be destroyed. They said they were after justice and righteousness. [His voice trembles and he scoffs.]
I knew they were power hungry hypocrites, that's not new, I just didn't think—I didn't think that even after I was gone I would have more blood on my hands because of it.
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