[It's a question he wasn't expecting and it hits with the same power as a physical blow. Wei Wuxian closes his eyes and his hands curl into loose fists. He doesn't know how to answer this. He doesn't want to think about it.]
He would have saved him no matter who he belonged to.
[He does not know why Lan Zhan chose to raise him. He doesn't know if he would have done that for any child. Whatever he meant to Lan Zhan...it's too painful to think about now.]
a-Yuan is 16 now. He got to grow up happy and cared for. When I see you again, I'll show you a portrait I did of him. He was really the cutest child. So well behaved and sweet. Not at all like me.
๏ผ the last statement is the unnecessary one. so well-behaved and sweet — not at all like me. but it is nothing unexpected — wei wuxian always frames himself as worse than he is. there is a moment of brief, uncomfortable parallel and then he pushes past it to say —
(it is not lost on him, that sasuke too was sixteen.) ๏ผ
I wish I knew what he was like now. Zewu-jun says he's very sweet.
When Lan Zhan took him in, he had a bad fever. It took all of his early memories so he probably doesn't remember me at all. It's for the best though. It was a rough couple of years. [At this point he knows he's just rambling, and he pauses with a sigh, staring idly at a wall as he recalls some of his favorite memories of a-Yuan.]
He really wanted siblings. He was the only child who survived the labor camps and he was all alone, and he kept asking for siblings. So, one day I buried him in our garden alongside the other radishes and told him that I would grow him some siblings this way. I can't believe he's forgotten such important memories! Now he'll never know where children come from.
๏ผ wei wuxian can't see it, but even though he recognizes it as one of wei wuxian's avoidance tactics, it's pulled a smile to his face. faint, just the barest upturn at one corner of his mouth, but there. ๏ผ
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
He would have saved him no matter who he belonged to.
[He does not know why Lan Zhan chose to raise him. He doesn't know if he would have done that for any child. Whatever he meant to Lan Zhan...it's too painful to think about now.]
a-Yuan is 16 now. He got to grow up happy and cared for. When I see you again, I'll show you a portrait I did of him. He was really the cutest child. So well behaved and sweet. Not at all like me.
no subject
(it is not lost on him, that sasuke too was sixteen.) ๏ผ
I would like to see it.
no subject
When Lan Zhan took him in, he had a bad fever. It took all of his early memories so he probably doesn't remember me at all. It's for the best though. It was a rough couple of years. [At this point he knows he's just rambling, and he pauses with a sigh, staring idly at a wall as he recalls some of his favorite memories of a-Yuan.]
He really wanted siblings. He was the only child who survived the labor camps and he was all alone, and he kept asking for siblings. So, one day I buried him in our garden alongside the other radishes and told him that I would grow him some siblings this way. I can't believe he's forgotten such important memories! Now he'll never know where children come from.
no subject
๏ผ wei wuxian can't see it, but even though he recognizes it as one of wei wuxian's avoidance tactics, it's pulled a smile to his face. faint, just the barest upturn at one corner of his mouth, but there. ๏ผ
It's very you.
no subject
Yeah. It is, isn't it?
I didn't even ask before. Were you sleeping? Did I wake you?
no subject
no subject
no subject
It is not a hardship to me.
no subject
no subject
no subject
But I'm glad to hear you're managing. Completely and totally shocked, of course, but glad.
no subject
Is there further discussion you are interested in having?
no subject
no subject
'you're welcome' goes unsaid. ๏ผ