[He has spent hours opening up a message to Itachi and then closing it again, words pouring out before he deletes them over and over again. He knows what not to say, but every time he tries to say something that won't get ignored or end up fucking everything up, it all ends up a mess.
He'd drafted four different apologies that got tossed upon realizing that if their situations were reversed, an apology would only add fuel to the fire, but he doesn't know what to say. He's never been good at figuring out where to go after a fuck up, and Itachi isn't Jiang Cheng, he can't just slap him on the back, make a bad joke about things, and then act like nothing's happened. Well. He can't slap him on the back or joke about it anyway.
Eventually he fires off a stupid question that he'd intended originally for Gwen and holds his breath as he waits for a response.]
hours tick by, become days. become nearly a full week.
wei wuxian is so transparent, it only makes him wish he had done worse with tsukuyomi. regret at his own leniency peels back the bars of his self-imposed prison — truthfully, he has not left his hotel room, nor eaten since the school. foolish. he needs his strength. there have not been many missions on which his skills are not useful at the end. he has not had the inclination to do much beyond exist, since that day.
He hides it well because he's had long practice, but it eats at him in his moments alone, the silence that he doesn't dare cross. It's natural that Itachi would want space, but he wonders how long that space will last. He wonders if Itachi will ever look at him the same again.
He writes whole letters to him that he doesn't send, and even pens one alone in his room and then burns it with a candle, nearly setting off the fire alarm in the process. They don't talk every day especially on missions, but the emptiness where his friend's companionship usually sits makes him ache with grief. He hates not being able to talk to him. Hates how many times he encounters something during the day that makes him want to text Itachi before he remembers that he can't. He hates all of it and he hates this place for the role it played in this fracture.
So when Itachi finally responds a full week later, he answers too quickly, too eager, embarrassing and transparent, and he doesn't even care.]
What is it? I know it's a drink, but I don't know what it actually is.
to complain about how many stupid breeds of dogs there are. Wasn't it bad enough with all the ones that already existed? There are so many now, big ones and little ones, and horribly furry ones. Do people really like dogs so much they keep making new ones?
I asked you to leave and instead you remained, to play savior I neither wanted nor wished for. Did you think it wisdom, that saw you insert yourself where you were unwanted, or was it hubris alone?
[That stops him short and there's a long pause between replies where Wei Wuxian repeats the words to himself more than once.
He'd thought Itachi wanted him to leave because he didn't believe it could be stopped. He'd thought Itachi wanted him to leave because experiencing it alone was better than having an uninvited witness.
It had never occurred to him that Itachi wanted to stay trapped in his nightmare.]
In the future, one might benefit from understanding a situation before one acts.
๏ผ it's the biting, archly said formality that makes the statement all the colder than it is. he is intending to wound, and knows the knife will make a home of its target.
and then he simply disconnects the line.
if wei wuxian tries to contact him again, he will find that his username — his clan name so painstakingly reclaimed — has been unregistered, and there is no other ID available through the directory that suggests itachi's hand at work at all. ๏ผ
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3 days post mem share incident
He'd drafted four different apologies that got tossed upon realizing that if their situations were reversed, an apology would only add fuel to the fire, but he doesn't know what to say. He's never been good at figuring out where to go after a fuck up, and Itachi isn't Jiang Cheng, he can't just slap him on the back, make a bad joke about things, and then act like nothing's happened. Well. He can't slap him on the back or joke about it anyway.
Eventually he fires off a stupid question that he'd intended originally for Gwen and holds his breath as he waits for a response.]
do you know what a latte is?
no subject
hours tick by, become days. become nearly a full week.
wei wuxian is so transparent, it only makes him wish he had done worse with tsukuyomi. regret at his own leniency peels back the bars of his self-imposed prison — truthfully, he has not left his hotel room, nor eaten since the school. foolish. he needs his strength. there have not been many missions on which his skills are not useful at the end. he has not had the inclination to do much beyond exist, since that day.
finally, at length: ๏ผ
Yes.
๏ผ because of course he does. ๏ผ
no subject
He hides it well because he's had long practice, but it eats at him in his moments alone, the silence that he doesn't dare cross. It's natural that Itachi would want space, but he wonders how long that space will last. He wonders if Itachi will ever look at him the same again.
He writes whole letters to him that he doesn't send, and even pens one alone in his room and then burns it with a candle, nearly setting off the fire alarm in the process. They don't talk every day especially on missions, but the emptiness where his friend's companionship usually sits makes him ache with grief. He hates not being able to talk to him. Hates how many times he encounters something during the day that makes him want to text Itachi before he remembers that he can't. He hates all of it and he hates this place for the role it played in this fracture.
So when Itachi finally responds a full week later, he answers too quickly, too eager, embarrassing and transparent, and he doesn't even care.]
What is it? I know it's a drink, but I don't know what it actually is.
no subject
Ask Gwen.
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I saw a dog that looked like a rat today. I wouldn't have even known it was a dog if it hadn't opened it creepy little mouth and started barking.
My world doesn't have near as many breeds of dog. It's horrible.
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1/2
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I am not of a mind to tolerate your foolish diversions.
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If you need time, then tell me. I don't know what you want from me. I don't know what you want me to do.
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I asked you to leave and instead you remained, to play savior I neither wanted nor wished for. Did you think it wisdom, that saw you insert yourself where you were unwanted, or was it hubris alone?
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Did you want me to leave you there?
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1/2
He'd thought Itachi wanted him to leave because he didn't believe it could be stopped. He'd thought Itachi wanted him to leave because experiencing it alone was better than having an uninvited witness.
It had never occurred to him that Itachi wanted to stay trapped in his nightmare.]
I
2/3
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[And also, what the fuck]
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In the future, one might benefit from understanding a situation before one acts.
๏ผ it's the biting, archly said formality that makes the statement all the colder than it is. he is intending to wound, and knows the knife will make a home of its target.
and then he simply disconnects the line.
if wei wuxian tries to contact him again, he will find that his username — his clan name so painstakingly reclaimed — has been unregistered, and there is no other ID available through the directory that suggests itachi's hand at work at all. ๏ผ