[His eyes swivel to Itachi's so fast it's no wonder he doesn't get dizzy.]
I'm not hinting! It's a long ugly story, and all that matters is that without my core I couldn't serve him anymore. My lifespan was reduced, my strength and abilities...I had to give up the sword. I can still fight with one fine, but against even someone with the faintest hint of spiritual power, I'd lose.
And I...I lost it helping him. He went back to Lotus Pier to try and avenge has parents after it had fallen to the Wen Army. It's because of that I lost mine. So I couldn't tell him because he wouldn't have been able to live with it. He'd have blamed himself. [It's all true even if he's missing some of the larger details. Jiang Cheng did go back and it is why Wei Wuxian ended up losing his golden core.
And Jiang Cheng never would have forgiven himself if he knew the truth. (And he never would have forgiven Wei Wuxian.)]
๏ผ he has witnessed wei wuxian tell horrible stories with a sneer about his own life, talk about what he deserved and professed an acceptance of cruelties done.
this is not the same.
he spends more time justifying the situation, jiang cheng's reaction, the core being lost. before, he had said that he stopped using energy. then, that it had been destroyed by the man he spoke of then. itachi's instinct had laid bare the lie, but that was four months ago, now.
he had let it be, last time. swung his focus to another topic and pressed on there, instead. now: ๏ผ
'Lost' is not the correct word, is it? Merely the convenient one.
๏ผ there is a gentleness to his tone that was absent during the discussion of madame yu. the sort of softly patient behaviour that wei wuxian may only recognize from how itachi had handled the boy in taeum. ๏ผ
Itachi. [The name is sharp and pained, but it's followed only by silence and eventually a long resigned exhale.
There's no damage to be done by admitting the truth to him. He wouldn't even be the first to know after Ziggy had witnessed his memory in that stupid school. Still he hesitates. His stomach clenches at the thought and he looks away, his brow furrowed.
In the end, it's the irrevocable trust that he has in Itachi that wins out. And the knowledge that the asshole would probably put it together for himself eventually if he doesn't just tell him.]
I didn't lie. He went back there alone without backup. He didn't stand a chance. [He sighs again, the exhale shaky.]
By the time I got there, his golden core was already gone. There was nothing to be done. In the history of cultivation, no one had ever recovered a destroyed golden core.
But Wen Qing really was the best most brilliant doctor of our generation. The surgery only had a fifty percent success rate and I had to beg her for weeks but...when she performed it, it was perfect. It worked perfectly.
I told him I'd found someone—my mother's teacher, an immortal cultivator named Baoshan Sanren. I told him she knew how to fix him.
When he woke up, he had a core again. He never questioned it.
He was the only heir and his parents were dead. I was the son of a servant who only became a cultivator because the Jiangs had taken me in in the first place. It was right to pay back what had been given. [But Jiang Cheng couldn't have lived with knowing what he'd done.
He'd told Itachi once, I let him win. I let him win and he wouldn't talk to me for days and Itachi had understood why. So. He's sure Itachi understands this too.]
๏ผ there is some sweeping, immeasurable sorrow grown into the deep roots of his voice. it's too weary to be a reprimand, or any real reflection on the act. his hand drops away from his side, thumb shifting automatically to the faint pale line where the ring had sat since he was all of thirteen. ๏ผ
I would have done the same.
๏ผ the dark mirror of the sacrifice isn't lost on him, but wei wuxian's choice was ultimately far more selfless than his own. yet it remains that they are both men that learned young just what they would surrender for a beloved sibling. ๏ผ
[There is a soft sound of warm agreement from the back of his throat and his eyes go soft at Itachi's admission.
Of course he would have. How could Itachi have ever done anything less in his position?]
Blood or not, he was my brother. [That was enough. It was all that mattered.]
He never understood why I turned to demonic cultivation. How could he when he was missing so many pieces of the story? And he resented me for bringing down so much trouble on myself. It doesn't matter. I would do it again even knowing everything that came after.
๏ผ very likely, he would have wanted to help. but he can understand why wei wuxian was not in a position to accept it from him. being family makes it murky, further complicated by their dynamic since childhood.
itachi levers himself up off the bed at length, and then goes to make a pot of tea. remiss of him not to have done it at the start. ๏ผ
Doubtless he was frustrated to be denied an avenue to assist you.
[He bows his head at Itachi's words and nods. He knows that's why. He knows, just as he knows that if he'd asked for permission to give Jiang Cheng his golden core, it would have been denied, and if he'd told him about what he'd done after, Jiang Cheng never would have recovered.
It doesn't mean Itachi isn't right.]
I know.
[It occurs to Wei Wuxian in this exact moment that he might have made his regret not telling Jiang Cheng, but he dismisses the thought even as it comes. It might have made a difference. (It wouldn't have been enough to save the Dafan Wen.) Even so, he still can't bring himself to stomach the idea.
His eyes track Itachi's tea making and he fights the urge to bat Itachi away and do it himself. Itachi should be resting, but he knows that suggesting as much will only annoy him. If he was in such poor shape that he couldn't get up to make tea, McCoy wouldn't have allowed him to return to his room anyway.]
๏ผ once prepared, he sets a cup of tea down near wei wuxian's hand and retreats back to the bed. there is rather less ceremony to it now than is his custom, perhaps the clearest sign of how badly afflicted he still is despite all his assurances. ๏ผ
Knowing is easy.
๏ผ it's something said with a faint note of commiseration, self-directed censure. wry, but tired. ๏ผ
Drink your tea, and if you have nothing further I will ask that you take your leave.
[With no desire to continue down that train of conversation, Wei Wuxian is more than alright with the shift in topics.
He hadn't planned to stay this long once Itachi had opened the door, and he nods in acquiescence, raising his cup with a nod of gratitude. The silence that follows is companionable even with the remnant of what he'd just revealed to his friend hanging in the air, and he revels in the quiet peacefulness of knowing that Itachi is well.
When heโs finished his tea, he sets the cup down with a soft clink and then fixes his gaze on Itachi as he rises.]
Get some rest, okay? [The words come with the slightest of sheepish smiles, clearly aware the the main thing stopping Itachi from doing exactly that so far has been him.]
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no subject
I'm not hinting! It's a long ugly story, and all that matters is that without my core I couldn't serve him anymore. My lifespan was reduced, my strength and abilities...I had to give up the sword. I can still fight with one fine, but against even someone with the faintest hint of spiritual power, I'd lose.
And I...I lost it helping him. He went back to Lotus Pier to try and avenge has parents after it had fallen to the Wen Army. It's because of that I lost mine. So I couldn't tell him because he wouldn't have been able to live with it. He'd have blamed himself. [It's all true even if he's missing some of the larger details. Jiang Cheng did go back and it is why Wei Wuxian ended up losing his golden core.
And Jiang Cheng never would have forgiven himself if he knew the truth. (And he never would have forgiven Wei Wuxian.)]
no subject
this is not the same.
he spends more time justifying the situation, jiang cheng's reaction, the core being lost. before, he had said that he stopped using energy. then, that it had been destroyed by the man he spoke of then. itachi's instinct had laid bare the lie, but that was four months ago, now.
he had let it be, last time. swung his focus to another topic and pressed on there, instead. now: ๏ผ
'Lost' is not the correct word, is it? Merely the convenient one.
๏ผ there is a gentleness to his tone that was absent during the discussion of madame yu. the sort of softly patient behaviour that wei wuxian may only recognize from how itachi had handled the boy in taeum. ๏ผ
1/2
There's no damage to be done by admitting the truth to him. He wouldn't even be the first to know after Ziggy had witnessed his memory in that stupid school. Still he hesitates. His stomach clenches at the thought and he looks away, his brow furrowed.
In the end, it's the irrevocable trust that he has in Itachi that wins out. And the knowledge that the asshole would probably put it together for himself eventually if he doesn't just tell him.]
I didn't lie. He went back there alone without backup. He didn't stand a chance. [He sighs again, the exhale shaky.]
By the time I got there, his golden core was already gone. There was nothing to be done. In the history of cultivation, no one had ever recovered a destroyed golden core.
But Wen Qing really was the best most brilliant doctor of our generation. The surgery only had a fifty percent success rate and I had to beg her for weeks but...when she performed it, it was perfect. It worked perfectly.
no subject
When he woke up, he had a core again. He never questioned it.
He was the only heir and his parents were dead. I was the son of a servant who only became a cultivator because the Jiangs had taken me in in the first place. It was right to pay back what had been given. [But Jiang Cheng couldn't have lived with knowing what he'd done.
He'd told Itachi once, I let him win. I let him win and he wouldn't talk to me for days and Itachi had understood why. So. He's sure Itachi understands this too.]
no subject
๏ผ there is some sweeping, immeasurable sorrow grown into the deep roots of his voice. it's too weary to be a reprimand, or any real reflection on the act. his hand drops away from his side, thumb shifting automatically to the faint pale line where the ring had sat since he was all of thirteen. ๏ผ
I would have done the same.
๏ผ the dark mirror of the sacrifice isn't lost on him, but wei wuxian's choice was ultimately far more selfless than his own. yet it remains that they are both men that learned young just what they would surrender for a beloved sibling. ๏ผ
no subject
Of course he would have. How could Itachi have ever done anything less in his position?]
Blood or not, he was my brother. [That was enough. It was all that mattered.]
He never understood why I turned to demonic cultivation. How could he when he was missing so many pieces of the story? And he resented me for bringing down so much trouble on myself. It doesn't matter. I would do it again even knowing everything that came after.
no subject
๏ผ very likely, he would have wanted to help. but he can understand why wei wuxian was not in a position to accept it from him. being family makes it murky, further complicated by their dynamic since childhood.
itachi levers himself up off the bed at length, and then goes to make a pot of tea. remiss of him not to have done it at the start. ๏ผ
Doubtless he was frustrated to be denied an avenue to assist you.
no subject
It doesn't mean Itachi isn't right.]
I know.
[It occurs to Wei Wuxian in this exact moment that he might have made his regret not telling Jiang Cheng, but he dismisses the thought even as it comes. It might have made a difference. (It wouldn't have been enough to save the Dafan Wen.) Even so, he still can't bring himself to stomach the idea.
His eyes track Itachi's tea making and he fights the urge to bat Itachi away and do it himself. Itachi should be resting, but he knows that suggesting as much will only annoy him. If he was in such poor shape that he couldn't get up to make tea, McCoy wouldn't have allowed him to return to his room anyway.]
no subject
Knowing is easy.
๏ผ it's something said with a faint note of commiseration, self-directed censure. wry, but tired. ๏ผ
Drink your tea, and if you have nothing further I will ask that you take your leave.
no subject
He hadn't planned to stay this long once Itachi had opened the door, and he nods in acquiescence, raising his cup with a nod of gratitude. The silence that follows is companionable even with the remnant of what he'd just revealed to his friend hanging in the air, and he revels in the quiet peacefulness of knowing that Itachi is well.
When heโs finished his tea, he sets the cup down with a soft clink and then fixes his gaze on Itachi as he rises.]
Get some rest, okay? [The words come with the slightest of sheepish smiles, clearly aware the the main thing stopping Itachi from doing exactly that so far has been him.]
no subject