๏ผ his expression softens, just a little. thinking of taeum... it has as many bad memories as good. but he will never regret trusting angrial as he did. ๏ผ
You did. ๏ผ he cups water in his hands. the pool reflects the moon very briefly, before he lets his fingers part to sieve it away.
no one knew what he did in taeum. what came about as a result of that trust. as far as anyone knows it, the tide of the battle would have gone that way regardless.
but very abruptly, he wants wei wuxian to be aware of it. that the favour he had gained by the betrayal he wrought was the thing that saved them all in the end. the sacrifice of both wei wuxian and gwen's freedom hadn't been for nothing.
the words stick in his throat, and when he finally speaks his voice is very soft. ๏ผ I spoke with Angrial, before the battle.
[Wei Wuxian pauses in his gliding, letting his arms stretch out to each side and keep him afloat like that on top of the water.
It's the shift of his tone that catches his attention first, and then the words.
Itachi had spoken to Angrial fresh from his betrayal. It means something that he has never shared this before. It means something that he is sharing it now.
He hums softly in response, a quiet encouragement to continue.]
I told her everything. Our mission, the nature of the orbs. I told her... my own history. The nature of the clan I slaughtered.
๏ผ the specifics. his own clan, he had said to her directly. ๏ผ
I saw much of myself in her. In her blindness. In her loyalty. And I made a choice — to hope that she could make the choice I could not have. And she did.
๏ผ he exhales, steady and slow. but there is an emotion rarely seen in his voice that drives home the point of what he does not strictly clarify — that he had trusted her, and that trust had not betrayed him. what that had meant for him then. what it means for him now.
love has a way of overcoming fear, in the end. angrial had burnt her wings to ash for the woman she loved. the war ended, the world and all its inhabitants saved. all of that sprang from small things. it was the first time since that night that he had felt he left something better than he found it. he cannot speak to what the rest of their afterlife will hold for them, but he trusts they will have each other. ๏ผ
It could have very easily had the opposite effect. Sometimes, it feels very strange to me that I took the chance at all. Yet I would not trade that moment for anything.
[Itachi is good, Wei Wuxian thinks, overcome by the sheer amount of hope in his friend's soul, and then—
I love him.
It's a simple truth, unsurprising and natural, and he sets it aside just as easily as it had come to him. Later he'll have time to poke and prod at it and to explore its depths and meaning. Now he merely accepts it as the natural consequence of the relationship he's forged with this man.
A man who trusted someone to do the right thing against his own experience. A man who wanted so badly for people to be good and do good, regardless of the fact that he'd more than once been at the hands of men who never did. A man subjected to a life of darkness who hadn't let it kill his light.
Wei Wuxian closes his eyes and breathes.]
Sometimes good people just need is a chance to be good. You gave that to her.
No. I gave her nothing she did not already have the capacity for within herself — both the choice and the chance were her own, during that final clash. The trust I gave her she returned in triplicate. I did not think myself worthy then.
๏ผ he looks at wei wuxian, the way his long hair has fanned out across the water. his expression is soft and beautiful in the moonlight, and rather than look away at recognizing the tenderness there, he does not waver. ๏ผ
I don't know who I am becoming. ๏ผ he knows how to want to be kind. the reality is harder. he is clumsy at it. ๏ผ However, as I am now... the man I am today would not exist if not for you. Thank you for seeing worth in me, Wei Ying.
[It's instinct to stop him, to groan and shake his head and make a fuss about the sincerity of it all. That's what he would normally do at the first sign of a compliment that gets too close to being real and meaningful.
He doesn't do any of that though.
Even though the raw kindness of it all and the unadulterated gratitude makes him want to run and hide, or to duck his head down beneath the water and wait for it all to be over, he stays where he is. The instinct is still there, pressing at the inside of his chest and making his fingers twitch, but he doesn't give in. It's too important not to, and anyway, he won't hide from Itachi.
He can't. (And strangest of all, he finds he doesn't really want to.)
So he only holds his gaze and allows himself to look at Itachi with all of the affection he feels for him, letting out a soft helpless hiccup at the sound of his name.]
You're someone who knows me. That's...that's part of who you are. [Not everything, not his identity, but still a part of him.] Because you...you see...[Worth in me too. He shakes his head, unable to even say the words.]
๏ผ his first comment is said abruptly, sharp annoyance laid bare like the blade of a knife. ๏ผ
You never needed to be better. You have always been kind and thoughtful and brave, any growth you've undergone since arriving here has only deepened those things in you the way the roots burrow in earth, or the way branches stretch skyward. Your world did not see you, and that is their crime. That I do required no special perception on my behalf, no sharingan. It is the only sane response to one so luminous as you.
๏ผ that word again, akarui. the one he had used to describe shisui, some months ago.
his expression softens, infinitesimal. he is not quite certain what to do with the urge to reach out and draw the man into an embrace, there is a marginal disconnect between what his brain interprets as affection and what his body remembers as violence, and for a moment he does nothing. simply stands in the water, attention lowered to watch the ripples as he breathes, ringlets of water migrating outwards to lap at the pool's edge.
then: ๏ผ
You have been a very dear friend to me. I would not weather your loss well.
Itachi. [He says, exasperation and fondness fighting for control of his voice as Itachi's words threaten to overwhelm him. He doesn't move closer the way he wants to, but he does square his shoulders and keep his gaze steady.]
You do. You make me better. [His voice trembles with emotion and he curls his hands into fists beneath the water, determination to make his friend understand humming through his veins.]
I'm better with you. I'm...[A pause as he hesitates, struggling to voice what's difficult to admit even to himself.]
I like myself more with you. [He admits quietly after a long pause.] And I don't even want to think about being here without you.
Your pool of candidates with whom you can disparage English would shrink considerably, that is true.
๏ผ look, he's throwing himself on the serious conversation grenade solely for your benefit, wei wuxian. itachi gives him a look that manages to be completely humourless, and then he turns away, hefts himself up at the edge of the pool. ๏ผ
I'm not ready to head back just yet. Walk with me?
[He snorts and shakes his head, swimming to the edge of he pool and pulling himself out. He doesn't bother using a drying array when the weather out here is so nice, instead squeezing the excess water from his hair and then tying it into a messy bun with his red ribbon.
When he's retrieved his clothes from the tree and redressed, he pads back over to Itachi.]
Where do you want to go? [Because obviously, he'll come along.]
๏ผ it's said as he dresses, efficient and brusque. his own hair is wrung out and braided, one long plait that hangs over his shoulder, finished at a pace that borders on inhuman. ๏ผ
I simply wish to walk the world.
๏ผ to see as much as they can see, in the time they have left. to tread where others haven't, or may never again. to listen to the silences and the symphonic sounds of insects and fauna as they go about their lives. it is the sort of thing he would generally do alone, as he does so many things alone. but wei wuxian is not so much an additional person at his side as he is a sort of negative space, pressed into sharp relief in all the places and with all the sentiments itachi cannot be, or have. being at his side feels natural in a way only solitude has, for nearly a decade now.
and so — once they are both ready, he will gesture for wei wuxian to precede him on the path, and he will follow. ๏ผ
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
You did. ๏ผ he cups water in his hands. the pool reflects the moon very briefly, before he lets his fingers part to sieve it away.
no one knew what he did in taeum. what came about as a result of that trust. as far as anyone knows it, the tide of the battle would have gone that way regardless.
but very abruptly, he wants wei wuxian to be aware of it. that the favour he had gained by the betrayal he wrought was the thing that saved them all in the end. the sacrifice of both wei wuxian and gwen's freedom hadn't been for nothing.
the words stick in his throat, and when he finally speaks his voice is very soft. ๏ผ I spoke with Angrial, before the battle.
no subject
It's the shift of his tone that catches his attention first, and then the words.
Itachi had spoken to Angrial fresh from his betrayal. It means something that he has never shared this before. It means something that he is sharing it now.
He hums softly in response, a quiet encouragement to continue.]
no subject
๏ผ the specifics. his own clan, he had said to her directly. ๏ผ
I saw much of myself in her. In her blindness. In her loyalty. And I made a choice — to hope that she could make the choice I could not have. And she did.
๏ผ he exhales, steady and slow. but there is an emotion rarely seen in his voice that drives home the point of what he does not strictly clarify — that he had trusted her, and that trust had not betrayed him. what that had meant for him then. what it means for him now.
love has a way of overcoming fear, in the end. angrial had burnt her wings to ash for the woman she loved. the war ended, the world and all its inhabitants saved. all of that sprang from small things. it was the first time since that night that he had felt he left something better than he found it. he cannot speak to what the rest of their afterlife will hold for them, but he trusts they will have each other. ๏ผ
It could have very easily had the opposite effect. Sometimes, it feels very strange to me that I took the chance at all. Yet I would not trade that moment for anything.
no subject
I love him.
It's a simple truth, unsurprising and natural, and he sets it aside just as easily as it had come to him. Later he'll have time to poke and prod at it and to explore its depths and meaning. Now he merely accepts it as the natural consequence of the relationship he's forged with this man.
A man who trusted someone to do the right thing against his own experience. A man who wanted so badly for people to be good and do good, regardless of the fact that he'd more than once been at the hands of men who never did. A man subjected to a life of darkness who hadn't let it kill his light.
Wei Wuxian closes his eyes and breathes.]
Sometimes good people just need is a chance to be good. You gave that to her.
no subject
๏ผ he looks at wei wuxian, the way his long hair has fanned out across the water. his expression is soft and beautiful in the moonlight, and rather than look away at recognizing the tenderness there, he does not waver. ๏ผ
I don't know who I am becoming. ๏ผ he knows how to want to be kind. the reality is harder. he is clumsy at it. ๏ผ However, as I am now... the man I am today would not exist if not for you. Thank you for seeing worth in me, Wei Ying.
no subject
He doesn't do any of that though.
Even though the raw kindness of it all and the unadulterated gratitude makes him want to run and hide, or to duck his head down beneath the water and wait for it all to be over, he stays where he is. The instinct is still there, pressing at the inside of his chest and making his fingers twitch, but he doesn't give in. It's too important not to, and anyway, he won't hide from Itachi.
He can't. (And strangest of all, he finds he doesn't really want to.)
So he only holds his gaze and allows himself to look at Itachi with all of the affection he feels for him, letting out a soft helpless hiccup at the sound of his name.]
You're someone who knows me. That's...that's part of who you are. [Not everything, not his identity, but still a part of him.] Because you...you see...[Worth in me too. He shakes his head, unable to even say the words.]
You make me better, that's all.
no subject
You never needed to be better. You have always been kind and thoughtful and brave, any growth you've undergone since arriving here has only deepened those things in you the way the roots burrow in earth, or the way branches stretch skyward. Your world did not see you, and that is their crime. That I do required no special perception on my behalf, no sharingan. It is the only sane response to one so luminous as you.
๏ผ that word again, akarui. the one he had used to describe shisui, some months ago.
his expression softens, infinitesimal. he is not quite certain what to do with the urge to reach out and draw the man into an embrace, there is a marginal disconnect between what his brain interprets as affection and what his body remembers as violence, and for a moment he does nothing. simply stands in the water, attention lowered to watch the ripples as he breathes, ringlets of water migrating outwards to lap at the pool's edge.
then: ๏ผ
You have been a very dear friend to me. I would not weather your loss well.
no subject
You do. You make me better. [His voice trembles with emotion and he curls his hands into fists beneath the water, determination to make his friend understand humming through his veins.]
I'm better with you. I'm...[A pause as he hesitates, struggling to voice what's difficult to admit even to himself.]
I like myself more with you. [He admits quietly after a long pause.] And I don't even want to think about being here without you.
no subject
Your pool of candidates with whom you can disparage English would shrink considerably, that is true.
๏ผ look, he's throwing himself on the serious conversation grenade solely for your benefit, wei wuxian. itachi gives him a look that manages to be completely humourless, and then he turns away, hefts himself up at the edge of the pool. ๏ผ
I'm not ready to head back just yet. Walk with me?
no subject
When he's retrieved his clothes from the tree and redressed, he pads back over to Itachi.]
Where do you want to go? [Because obviously, he'll come along.]
no subject
๏ผ it's said as he dresses, efficient and brusque. his own hair is wrung out and braided, one long plait that hangs over his shoulder, finished at a pace that borders on inhuman. ๏ผ
I simply wish to walk the world.
๏ผ to see as much as they can see, in the time they have left. to tread where others haven't, or may never again. to listen to the silences and the symphonic sounds of insects and fauna as they go about their lives. it is the sort of thing he would generally do alone, as he does so many things alone. but wei wuxian is not so much an additional person at his side as he is a sort of negative space, pressed into sharp relief in all the places and with all the sentiments itachi cannot be, or have. being at his side feels natural in a way only solitude has, for nearly a decade now.
and so — once they are both ready, he will gesture for wei wuxian to precede him on the path, and he will follow. ๏ผ