( there's no hiding the emotion on his face, the mix of unease and compassion, the surprise and sorrow, the shock snuffing any flicker of anger, and the tender kind of understanding that fixes into place, his eyes misting yet again today. the surgery was recorded in his medical file, and more besides: health and injuries and treatments, recorded in his own straightforward notations he'd know anywhere, a history that had no explanation until now.
we discussed your father...you said your grandmother would have 'taken a shine to me'. had itachi said only that, it would be enough to know how much leonard trusts him, how much faith he has in him. )
I think... ( his voice catches in his throat, a bubble mccoy dislodges with the shake of his head. he curls his thumb over the crown of itachi's shoulder, featherlight; a delicate assurance. like jim, now that he has him, mccoy can't bring himself to let the young man go, not yet. ) No, that's unnecessary.
๏ผ mccoy's touch at his shoulder may be light, but it conveys a simulacrum of weight that almost takes him to his knees. he swallows against an unspeakable dryness on his tongue, and his fingers flex where he is holding the man's wrist. the polish on his nails is halfly grown out, in chipped half-moon shapes that draw the eye.
he is not even certain why he continues to maintain the tradition here. perhaps it has simply become part of him, the way he sharpens knives when there is nothing else to do with his hands. ๏ผ
I apologize for the subterfuge. I did not wish to upset you. But you should know that if this is permanent, I would prefer not to make presumptions upon our acquaintance. You owe me nothing.
( mccoy's sudden bark of laughter startles himself, and he shakes his head again, this time so vehemently it might seem like itachi's in danger of being shaken, too. but he isn't, as mccoy ducks his head to pull in a breath. )
Y'know, my notes mentioned you were 'dry as a Vulcan'. ( fuck no he won't go into the context or why he looks on the verge of tearful laughter. letting the young man go at last, he dabs at his eyes with the clean cuff of his shirt. )
But they never said you were an idiot. Don't give me that easy-out, withdrawin'-to-not-burden-me claptrap. You're important to me, same as Jim. Same asโ as my daughter. ( for the briefest of seconds, mccoy looks completely gutted, but rallies. ) So if this is permanent, you better not go anywhere.
๏ผ his jaw is set in brief chagrin, and for a moment it seems he might speak. his throat works against sound, and then he concedes defeat with a very, very human sigh. ๏ผ
I hear tell I'm more insufferable without my memories, too.
( today has been a day of m u l t i p l e apologies and tempestuous behavior, okay. but he'll add, because it's only too obvious who spilled the beans to mccoy: )
And mind you don't give Wei Wuxian any grief about this. Anything in here- ( a tap to his own temple, ) -was affected by the corrupted file, but all your medical records are still intact on my padd.
You are ... different. I would not go so far as to say insufferable.
๏ผ his tolerance for insufferable is probably weirdly high, though. ten years with akatsuki will do that to you. at the comment about wei wuxian, his mouth quirks up humourlessly at one corner. he can forgive the censure — mccoy, missing the record of their interactions, would not be able to guess that there is one person aboard the ximilia who could do very little to earn such grief from him. ๏ผ
I would not hold it against him. I know whatever he said was well-intentioned. He is mindful of my privacy as much as he can be, and he knows I care for you.
๏ผ he uncurls his fingers where they are resting against mccoy's wrist, effectively freeing him from the proximity. ๏ผ
(kind of you to say, says the wry twist to his mouth.
itachi might let him go, but mccoy remains where he is, folding his arms across his chest while he thinks. the young man's statement hooks him right behind his ribs, a melancholy ache without a source. that feeling of being unmoored rises in him again, but he's not rudderless, not here, not by a long shot. )
Anything will have to wait until we get back to our own station, then I can start the first-line protocols for memory loss. ( he sighs, and rubs the nape of his neck.)
You can't just selectively get rid of a specific memory whole-cloth like erasing a chalk drawing. Damage to the cortices, the frontal lobe, or the hippocampus would destroy memories, plural, but not this selective, and certainly not without a whole other host of unpleasant side effects. It's more likely the memories are suppressed in some way, which I can certainly treat.
๏ผ mccoy will be cautious, he knows. but cautious enough? it is difficult to say. if it was just he alone the man forgot he would say there was no fundamental change to his personality, but jim and his daughter... they have both been formative to him in ways that would temper one's proclivity towards risk. itachi is silent a moment, and then — ๏ผ
However, if it was just... an action, without safeguards, and the orb's intention was simply to cause chaos by rendering them inaccessible and not to prevent their retrieval, there is a possibility I could do so. It would not be without risk.
๏ผ peeling apart the mind has always been a particular knack of his, as it were. ๏ผ
( though he's only known him such a short time now, insofar as his missing memories allow, he senses the uniqueness of itachi's suggestion, and the weight behind it.
he briefly wants to ask him to stay, a fleeting thought made up of all his anxious fears, but if jim lent him confidence, then this young man has given him direction. )
Ah- no. Thank you, Itachi.
( mccoy hesitates, meaning to extend his hand in parting, and thinking better of it. instead, hands at his sides, he offers him a short bow. )
๏ผ his mouth quirks up faintly, faint amusement driving the motion. then he returns the bow — a little more deeply, as etiquette demands — and between one heartbeat and the next he is gone with the use of shunshin. ๏ผ
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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we discussed your father...you said your grandmother would have 'taken a shine to me'. had itachi said only that, it would be enough to know how much leonard trusts him, how much faith he has in him. )
I think... ( his voice catches in his throat, a bubble mccoy dislodges with the shake of his head. he curls his thumb over the crown of itachi's shoulder, featherlight; a delicate assurance. like jim, now that he has him, mccoy can't bring himself to let the young man go, not yet. ) No, that's unnecessary.
no subject
he is not even certain why he continues to maintain the tradition here. perhaps it has simply become part of him, the way he sharpens knives when there is nothing else to do with his hands. ๏ผ
I apologize for the subterfuge. I did not wish to upset you. But you should know that if this is permanent, I would prefer not to make presumptions upon our acquaintance. You owe me nothing.
no subject
Y'know, my notes mentioned you were 'dry as a Vulcan'. ( fuck no he won't go into the context or why he looks on the verge of tearful laughter. letting the young man go at last, he dabs at his eyes with the clean cuff of his shirt. )
But they never said you were an idiot. Don't give me that easy-out, withdrawin'-to-not-burden-me claptrap. You're important to me, same as Jim. Same asโ as my daughter. ( for the briefest of seconds, mccoy looks completely gutted, but rallies. ) So if this is permanent, you better not go anywhere.
no subject
Well.
๏ผ well. ๏ผ
I am glad to find your stubbornness intact.
no subject
I hear tell I'm more insufferable without my memories, too.
( today has been a day of m u l t i p l e apologies and tempestuous behavior, okay. but he'll add, because it's only too obvious who spilled the beans to mccoy: )
And mind you don't give Wei Wuxian any grief about this. Anything in here- ( a tap to his own temple, ) -was affected by the corrupted file, but all your medical records are still intact on my padd.
no subject
๏ผ his tolerance for insufferable is probably weirdly high, though. ten years with akatsuki will do that to you. at the comment about wei wuxian, his mouth quirks up humourlessly at one corner. he can forgive the censure — mccoy, missing the record of their interactions, would not be able to guess that there is one person aboard the ximilia who could do very little to earn such grief from him. ๏ผ
I would not hold it against him. I know whatever he said was well-intentioned. He is mindful of my privacy as much as he can be, and he knows I care for you.
๏ผ he uncurls his fingers where they are resting against mccoy's wrist, effectively freeing him from the proximity. ๏ผ
If your memories do not return, what will you do?
no subject
itachi might let him go, but mccoy remains where he is, folding his arms across his chest while he thinks. the young man's statement hooks him right behind his ribs, a melancholy ache without a source. that feeling of being unmoored rises in him again, but he's not rudderless, not here, not by a long shot. )
Anything will have to wait until we get back to our own station, then I can start the first-line protocols for memory loss. ( he sighs, and rubs the nape of his neck.)
You can't just selectively get rid of a specific memory whole-cloth like erasing a chalk drawing. Damage to the cortices, the frontal lobe, or the hippocampus would destroy memories, plural, but not this selective, and certainly not without a whole other host of unpleasant side effects. It's more likely the memories are suppressed in some way, which I can certainly treat.
no subject
๏ผ mccoy will be cautious, he knows. but cautious enough? it is difficult to say. if it was just he alone the man forgot he would say there was no fundamental change to his personality, but jim and his daughter... they have both been formative to him in ways that would temper one's proclivity towards risk. itachi is silent a moment, and then — ๏ผ
However, if it was just... an action, without safeguards, and the orb's intention was simply to cause chaos by rendering them inaccessible and not to prevent their retrieval, there is a possibility I could do so. It would not be without risk.
๏ผ peeling apart the mind has always been a particular knack of his, as it were. ๏ผ
no subject
( it's sharper than intended, and he bites his tongue after, annoyed with himself. itachi is only trying to help, after all. )
Ask me again once we're back, if my memories are still unchanged and I've made no progress.
no subject
As you say. The offer will remain as long as it may be useful to you.
๏ผ there is very little mccoy could not ask of him now that he would not accommodate as best he can. loyalty takes many forms. ๏ผ
Do you require anything else of me at the moment?
no subject
( though he's only known him such a short time now, insofar as his missing memories allow, he senses the uniqueness of itachi's suggestion, and the weight behind it.
he briefly wants to ask him to stay, a fleeting thought made up of all his anxious fears, but if jim lent him confidence, then this young man has given him direction. )
Ah- no. Thank you, Itachi.
( mccoy hesitates, meaning to extend his hand in parting, and thinking better of it. instead, hands at his sides, he offers him a short bow. )
no subject