（ it does not shock or scandalize him as it might someone from a gentler world. the foundation raises shinobi without names all the time, and itachi himself is not especially attached to the concept of identity as it relates to a sense of self rather than to his use as konoha's tool. yet — there is a faint winding thread of empathetic sorrow that tinges their connection. ）
It's not common - forgetting your name. The others remembered. [Blue tilts his head thoughtfully in reflection.]
I think...when that moment happened, when my childhood was being erased and my psionics awoke...the reaction, the explosion...it took everything with it as a consequence.
So all I had was...type-blue. Blue. [he looks back with a faint smile.] But my eyes haven't...been blue in a long time. Not since then.
（ that's some sad shit, fam, and it's not like his life is anything to write home about. perhaps it would be kinder if he could not recall what he has done — but he would never willingly surrender that knowledge. it is too much of who he is. ）
Only by comparison, I think. There's nothing I can do to fix it - we've tried. But...it's been three hundred years. [a slight pause - like an auditory shrug.] Like we discussed before...the distance time puts on things...it shifts perspective.
For better or worse, I suppose. I do wonder, time to time...if it was always in my nature. If it's truly me, or if...it is the byproduct of a broken experiment.
Those are the kinds of thoughts...that really don't have an answer. [...] Or if they do, I may not want to pay the cost...to learn it.
[there's bigger fish to fry.]
Regardless... [he straightens up in his seat, carefully stretching his back. just old mu things.] Change may be the nature of living...but it is quite hard to do it over that much time.
（ blue, your way of thinking is entirely too lost in the ephemera for a man as unerringly precise as itachi. he gives him a sort of look, and — ）
Whether it is the result of an experiment or not is irrelevant — it is you.
（ because it is still something he endured and survived — it is something that made him, the way that kintsukuroi makes something more beautiful for its flaws. are you less a thing because you were forced to become it? no. itachi never wanted to be cruel but learned to be just the same. it is in his bones now, as much as hope and compassion ever were. he has not forgotten that his first urge upon having shikamaru within tsukuyomi was to drown him there. ）
[Blue sighs, smirking briefly before his expression returns to its thoughtful neutral state.]
The me that is right here and now, yes. [but whomever that boy was before the machine went into his mind? he's lost forever. it's weird to not know who to mourn, but knowing there was someone there before. Jomy has that sadness, knowing who he was before awakening. Blue doesn't envy it, not really...yet even so, a mind has to wonder.
he almost eases back into the seat, but...] I'll let you rest, now. [he pushes himself up to his feet.] Thank you...for spending a little of your time with me.
（ at the implication that he should even remotely be resting, itachi shakes his head faintly and uncrosses his legs, putting his feet on the floor at his bedside before levering himself elegantly upwards. for all that he looks fatigued, there is none of it present or evident in how he stands. ）
I will return the dishes to the kitchen.
（ it is only fair, after all, since blue went to the trouble of bringing him the food in the first place. ）
[Blue tilts his head, giving him a questioning look. well, if he wants to, he can't really refuse him, can he? and he'd be faster about it all the same.]
Thank you. I can at least...follow part of the way. [up to his own room, that is.]
（ although his hair is still a disaster. itachi may not be vain in the traditional sense, but he does have a certain preference for appearing kempt that is tied in with his perception of weakness. he undoes the loose tail he'd put it in for eating's sake, and then redoes it into a messy bun that at least looks deliberately and artfully messy. then he picks up the tray, and gestures for blue to precede him out the door. his guard is not low enough around the rest of ximilia for him to willingly not use the sharingan, so the red of his eyes is back in place the moment they step outside. ）
[so it goes: two quiet, terminal weirdos making their way down the dormitory corridor. Blue keeps his hand on the wall, intermittently lifting it away so as to not jostle anyone's door, slowing to stop before the one he recognizes as his own.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I see.
no subject
I think...when that moment happened, when my childhood was being erased and my psionics awoke...the reaction, the explosion...it took everything with it as a consequence.
So all I had was...type-blue. Blue. [he looks back with a faint smile.] But my eyes haven't...been blue in a long time. Not since then.
no subject
Does it trouble you?
no subject
Only by comparison, I think. There's nothing I can do to fix it - we've tried. But...it's been three hundred years. [a slight pause - like an auditory shrug.] Like we discussed before...the distance time puts on things...it shifts perspective.
no subject
（ time and distance lessen pain, as he says. but the memory of it lingers. ）
You are a gentle person, Blue.
no subject
For better or worse, I suppose. I do wonder, time to time...if it was always in my nature. If it's truly me, or if...it is the byproduct of a broken experiment.
Those are the kinds of thoughts...that really don't have an answer. [...] Or if they do, I may not want to pay the cost...to learn it.
[there's bigger fish to fry.]
Regardless... [he straightens up in his seat, carefully stretching his back. just old mu things.] Change may be the nature of living...but it is quite hard to do it over that much time.
Not impossible, but...very hard. [and tiring!]
smh i didn't get this notif yesterday big mad!!!
Whether it is the result of an experiment or not is irrelevant — it is you.
（ because it is still something he endured and survived — it is something that made him, the way that kintsukuroi makes something more beautiful for its flaws. are you less a thing because you were forced to become it? no. itachi never wanted to be cruel but learned to be just the same. it is in his bones now, as much as hope and compassion ever were. he has not forgotten that his first urge upon having shikamaru within tsukuyomi was to drown him there. ）
ur notifs said "enough, no more of THIS"
The me that is right here and now, yes. [but whomever that boy was before the machine went into his mind? he's lost forever. it's weird to not know who to mourn, but knowing there was someone there before. Jomy has that sadness, knowing who he was before awakening. Blue doesn't envy it, not really...yet even so, a mind has to wonder.
he almost eases back into the seat, but...] I'll let you rest, now. [he pushes himself up to his feet.] Thank you...for spending a little of your time with me.
sad ninja nonsense has a limit
I will return the dishes to the kitchen.
（ it is only fair, after all, since blue went to the trouble of bringing him the food in the first place. ）
no subject
Thank you. I can at least...follow part of the way. [up to his own room, that is.]
no subject
（ although his hair is still a disaster. itachi may not be vain in the traditional sense, but he does have a certain preference for appearing kempt that is tied in with his perception of weakness. he undoes the loose tail he'd put it in for eating's sake, and then redoes it into a messy bun that at least looks deliberately and artfully messy. then he picks up the tray, and gestures for blue to precede him out the door. his guard is not low enough around the rest of ximilia for him to willingly not use the sharingan, so the red of his eyes is back in place the moment they step outside. ）
no subject
he nods to Itachi with a soft smile.]
Rest well, Itachi. Let's talk later.
no subject
（ mysterious that blue is the only person on the station besides shikamaru he doesn't address with some sort of honourific.
#curious. ）