[Oh, she can hear his but hanging in the air there. And surprisingly, it makes her laugh.]
Seriously? You really must think I'm stupid.
[Because that is a valid concern, she doesn't give him time to respond. she just pushes forward and keeps talking, trying to keep her offense to a minimum. Which is hard to do when she really feels like she's being called stupid and she knows she's typically very clever.]
I have a notebook I use. Or visualize what isn't safe to write down. I wouldn't do something like this on a mission where the stakes were higher.
[you know what?
he's not allowed to look at this anymore. she points over toward the window.]
๏ผ sorry, his days of taking orders from anyone are basically at an end. he doesn't move from his spot, nor follow the dramatic outstretch of her arm with a turn of his head. he just looks at her, unperturbed. ๏ผ
Notebooks can be stolen.
๏ผ clara, pls to be having a basic awareness of your tiny, fragile... human-ness. ๏ผ
I do not think you stupid. ๏ผ he gestures to the wall. ๏ผ You've uncovered several things I was unaware of. In that respect, I am impressed. However — I do think you are naรฏve and inexperienced. Neither of those traits are bad things in and of themselves, you simply need an opportunity to learn.
[He doesn't move and she just is in offended awe. This is the first time in a long while someone has challenged her tiny authority. ]
Yeah, well, this is only my fourth mission. It takes time to become as skilled and useful as you are.
[She's still so stunned by his lack of meeting her downstairs that she can only stare over at him for a few moments before turning away. It's unusual for her to encounter people who challenge her as much as he does on a regular basis. In some aspects, it's a relief. A breath of fresh air. And in others, it's completely frustrating.]
๏ผ he has... complicated Feelings about people doing that. so much of his life was lived with the understanding and knowledge that he was deliberately dragging sasuke into his shadow and keeping him in the darkness there. he existed as an obstacle that his little brother needed to overcome, and died to that end.
but no one, least of all someone like clara, should ever see him as remotely aspirational, even if only for his skills and knowledge. both have come at terrible cost. ๏ผ
I know you will continue to improve. What I say is not meant as an attack.
[He's trying to be encouraging, she realizes. This sort of thing doesn't seem to come easy to him, and the fact he's trying at all does mean a lot. It would be easy for him to blow her off and simply be condescending. But he isn't, and that's the only thing that gets her to relax.]
It's been hard to try and be as useful as the rest of you.
[She can admit that much, in a voice that's soft and vulnerable and not at all the usual bravado she faces the world with. The mask slips away, showing her uncertainty and her fears more clearly.]
So I dove into trying to be better this time around. It's a work in progress.
[And with that, she starts to take down the things that are on the wall. Thankfully there's not too much. It only takes her a minute or so before the space is empty again and she looks up at it with lingering self-doubt before finally turning away.]
๏ผ he is silent for a time, watching impassively as she pulls down her little map of timelines and theories and names. it seems almost as if he is not going to respond verbally, that he might simply turn and leave the room at any moment — poised for flight more by nature than body language or expression. he is... wildly uncomfortable, but he remains where he is. rooted fast to the boards of a floor that may exist only in their minds.
then: ๏ผ
It is... human nature to look for what we admire in others within ourselves, and for our ego to suffer if we find our interiority to be lacking.
๏ผ as she studies the wall, now stripped bare, he steps up and puts a hand very briefly against her shoulder. when was the last time he provided anyone comfort like this? he cannot recall. to touch another human in the shinobi world is to offer only violence. his palm is there only briefly, a whisper of contact before it is dropped away. recompense for the hug of weeks ago. ๏ผ
But, it is important to remember that you only see of others what you are shown. That other people struggle internally just as much as you. And — to realize that you also have qualities that others envy, that they themselves do not and cannot possess. Both a knife and a chair have a use, but are poorly designed for each other's purpose. Yours is not to be useful the way I am useful. You provide emotional support, levity, kindness and humour. These things have value. They are necessary to the function of a social group. You do not need to justify your existence by dint of what you can offer and how it aligns with what others are capable of. You are allowed to be here.
๏ผ his voice is solemn, possessed of a depth that rings like a sonorous bell. there is no emotion in it — then, there so rarely is with him. he is too well-accustomed to burying it. but he is... trying. to choose kindness. ๏ผ
Edited (i understand homophones ) 2022-01-17 22:40 (UTC)
Has she been waiting to hear something along the lines of that? Did she feel like she needed permission to be allowed to feel the same as everyone else that has a special niche talent that they contribute? Clara doesn't have a confidence problem, she knows that much. What she's had in recent months is trouble finding her footing when attempting to help obtain the orbs.
Kindness and support are wonderful, but they don't bring orbs back to the station. And maybe accepting the fact that she's best suited for emotional support and levity means she has to come to terms with the fact that she's regulated to being part of the background here.
A sidekick. A support to everyone else.
Given the alternative she faces back home, learning to come to terms with that doesn't look so bad. When she smiles, it's half-hearted. But it's an attempt to show that she understands she's the support that so many people rely on.]
Come on. [She quietly requests, turning away from the wall to head toward the door. They won't be taking the window out.]
The mines are waiting for us.
[She doesn't have to justify her existence to him. She doesn't need to try and convince either of them that she has a place here. It's okay to simply be herself for now, and not strive to be anything more than just Clara.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Seriously? You really must think I'm stupid.
[Because that is a valid concern, she doesn't give him time to respond. she just pushes forward and keeps talking, trying to keep her offense to a minimum. Which is hard to do when she really feels like she's being called stupid and she knows she's typically very clever.]
I have a notebook I use. Or visualize what isn't safe to write down. I wouldn't do something like this on a mission where the stakes were higher.
[you know what?
he's not allowed to look at this anymore. she points over toward the window.]
Meet me downstairs.
no subject
Notebooks can be stolen.
๏ผ clara, pls to be having a basic awareness of your tiny, fragile... human-ness. ๏ผ
I do not think you stupid. ๏ผ he gestures to the wall. ๏ผ You've uncovered several things I was unaware of. In that respect, I am impressed. However — I do think you are naรฏve and inexperienced. Neither of those traits are bad things in and of themselves, you simply need an opportunity to learn.
no subject
Yeah, well, this is only my fourth mission. It takes time to become as skilled and useful as you are.
[She's still so stunned by his lack of meeting her downstairs that she can only stare over at him for a few moments before turning away. It's unusual for her to encounter people who challenge her as much as he does on a regular basis. In some aspects, it's a relief. A breath of fresh air. And in others, it's completely frustrating.]
no subject
๏ผ he has... complicated Feelings about people doing that. so much of his life was lived with the understanding and knowledge that he was deliberately dragging sasuke into his shadow and keeping him in the darkness there. he existed as an obstacle that his little brother needed to overcome, and died to that end.
but no one, least of all someone like clara, should ever see him as remotely aspirational, even if only for his skills and knowledge. both have come at terrible cost. ๏ผ
I know you will continue to improve. What I say is not meant as an attack.
no subject
It's been hard to try and be as useful as the rest of you.
[She can admit that much, in a voice that's soft and vulnerable and not at all the usual bravado she faces the world with. The mask slips away, showing her uncertainty and her fears more clearly.]
So I dove into trying to be better this time around. It's a work in progress.
[And with that, she starts to take down the things that are on the wall. Thankfully there's not too much. It only takes her a minute or so before the space is empty again and she looks up at it with lingering self-doubt before finally turning away.]
no subject
then: ๏ผ
It is... human nature to look for what we admire in others within ourselves, and for our ego to suffer if we find our interiority to be lacking.
๏ผ as she studies the wall, now stripped bare, he steps up and puts a hand very briefly against her shoulder. when was the last time he provided anyone comfort like this? he cannot recall. to touch another human in the shinobi world is to offer only violence. his palm is there only briefly, a whisper of contact before it is dropped away. recompense for the hug of weeks ago. ๏ผ
But, it is important to remember that you only see of others what you are shown. That other people struggle internally just as much as you. And — to realize that you also have qualities that others envy, that they themselves do not and cannot possess. Both a knife and a chair have a use, but are poorly designed for each other's purpose. Yours is not to be useful the way I am useful. You provide emotional support, levity, kindness and humour. These things have value. They are necessary to the function of a social group. You do not need to justify your existence by dint of what you can offer and how it aligns with what others are capable of. You are allowed to be here.
๏ผ his voice is solemn, possessed of a depth that rings like a sonorous bell. there is no emotion in it — then, there so rarely is with him. he is too well-accustomed to burying it. but he is... trying. to choose kindness. ๏ผ
no subject
Has she been waiting to hear something along the lines of that? Did she feel like she needed permission to be allowed to feel the same as everyone else that has a special niche talent that they contribute? Clara doesn't have a confidence problem, she knows that much. What she's had in recent months is trouble finding her footing when attempting to help obtain the orbs.
Kindness and support are wonderful, but they don't bring orbs back to the station. And maybe accepting the fact that she's best suited for emotional support and levity means she has to come to terms with the fact that she's regulated to being part of the background here.
A sidekick. A support to everyone else.
Given the alternative she faces back home, learning to come to terms with that doesn't look so bad. When she smiles, it's half-hearted. But it's an attempt to show that she understands she's the support that so many people rely on.]
Come on. [She quietly requests, turning away from the wall to head toward the door. They won't be taking the window out.]
The mines are waiting for us.
[She doesn't have to justify her existence to him. She doesn't need to try and convince either of them that she has a place here. It's okay to simply be herself for now, and not strive to be anything more than just Clara.]