（ time passes strangely in the mind. what seems to one a moment may be to another a lifetime — at any rate, he does not speak again until his physical body needs draw breath. ）
It is natural to wish to go beyond your capacity as well. Most people dream of being stronger, or smarter, or better at what they do. We all wish to be remarkable, to be memorable in some way.
（ once upon a time, he too had dreamed of being hokage. ）
You were exhausted, overtaxed, and it killed you. That is consequence enough, without adding guilt or shame to what followed.
（ he does not like admitting it. but he has not held an expectation of being cared for much of his life — and this is already overwhelming for him, like the taste of something sweet on the tongue of an ascetic. ）
[Blue bows his head once more, already dimming in form. when he lifts his head, his mouth moves, speaking to something, but there's no thought or sound to perceive, and he's gone just as swiftly as any attempt to understand - almost like a light switch was flipped.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
eventually:] I remember the attack, yes. Falling. I don't remember...when Sabriel arrived, but I felt her focus and fear. Yzak's.
Your exhaustion.
I remember...Ford... [his eyes close.]
There was nothing...I could do.
no subject
（ easier to say than to believe. he is, at least, aware of his own hypocrisy. ）
no subject
[he can believe it, because he's quite aware he's...very limited, despite his hopes and efforts.
his eyes open again, tinged with melancholy he won't bother trying to hide.]
And I know...that the nature of these entities we are sent to seek... They are capricious. Cruel, even.
I think...it's giving me that change in my heart. The one you told me...to speak to, should it ever happen.
you really were just gonna let me rawdog that /i fuck-up huh
（ time passes strangely in the mind. what seems to one a moment may be to another a lifetime — at any rate, he does not speak again until his physical body needs draw breath. ）
Have you told anyone else?
it's what friends do
[he nods slightly.]
He was here...when I woke again. He knows...what it is that's brought me here, but...not what's changed.
Neither do I. Not entirely. It's still...changing in me. My convictions, my hopes...
this is why you're off my christmas list
（ unsurprisingly. blue is perilously easy to care for. ）
no subject
I know. My own strength...failed us both. He's done so much for my sake.
You all have.
no subject
（ there's an edge to that sentiment, backed by a swell of anger. ）
no subject
What do you call it, then?
no subject
You have fought longer and harder than most. Reaching your limit is not failure, it is life.
no subject
And, maybe...railing against that limit...is also another facet.
no subject
（ once upon a time, he too had dreamed of being hokage. ）
You were exhausted, overtaxed, and it killed you. That is consequence enough, without adding guilt or shame to what followed.
no subject
Going above and beyond...that, too, I think. [so guilt and shame aren't going anywhere! this Mu doesn't purge his feelings, however burdensome.]
But I thank you...for your perspective.
no subject
（ it's perhaps more of a challenge than his usual mild neutrality. he is all jagged edges, worn rough and raw. ）
no subject
is it because of him?]
If I can do no more for you, then...it must be.
no subject
That is enough.
（ he does not like admitting it. but he has not held an expectation of being cared for much of his life — and this is already overwhelming for him, like the taste of something sweet on the tongue of an ascetic. ）
no subject