The orbs. It is, to my understanding, a sort of contract similar to the one we have with the Orb itself — singular. We complete their request and they are willing to share their power as part of the collective whole.
Mine is 'Tell a teammate what you most admire about yourself.'
[He'd known the goals had to do with the orbs but not so directly. It makes him glad he hasn't compromised his desire not to fulfill some of the more cruel ones. All thoughts of his own goal fly out the window as Itachi admits to his though, and Wei Wuxian flinches in response.
If he'd received such a goal...he shakes his head and closes his eyes. Maybe something physical. Or a skill. Then again, he's not sure either of those would count. His hair is pretty. His aim with a bow is remarkable. There are a number of other things he might admit are good. Whether he admires them though...
And he's certain that with the amount of times he's remarked on Itachi's skills or physical appearance and Itachi has brushed if off not with false modesty, but with unfeigned disinterest, he doesn't admire those either.
It doesn't matter that Wei Wuxian could name a number of things about Itachi that are admirable.
It's an exceptionally terrible goal. (And even if he's the same, even if his own exploration of what he would do with that goal highlights all the ways he hates himself, it aches to think about how Itachi feels the same.)]
Cruel. [Is what he says finally, unwilling to pretend not to understand. Cruel to expect men like them with their blood soaked hands to love any part of themselves.]
๏ผ cruel, he'd said. one word. he was not thinking it cruel for himself — wei wuxian never dreams of putting himself first in anything. his thought was for itachi, and even now he thinks to save him face by stepping into the line of fire, letting the lie lay between them, that the word had only been selfish consideration and not empathy for a friend he sees too much of himself in.
anger simmers, though he does not know its source. rare, for one who is so keenly self-controlled, who walks the edge of emotion like a knifeblade. ๏ผ
That is not what you thought.
It is what you are saying, because you think I would refuse your compassion.
[Wei Wuxian pauses to wonder when he became quite so transparent to his friend. Itachi has seen through him before, but somehow this hits harder than those times. Or maybe Itachi has just been graceful enough not to call him out before.]
I think if I told you the things I admire about you, you would stop talking to me.
[A wave of emotion surges over him and he wants to shake Itachi by the shoulders for reasons that he can't entirely discern. Itachi has done nothing to warrant it, and Wei Wuxian lets out an annoyed sigh at himself, shaking the feeling off.]
Then I think it's cruel because I know for people like us...even if I don't know what you've done, it weighs on you. I know you carry it.
And I don't know how someone who carries that can see past it to admire anything about themselves at all. No matter how much is there to admire.
[Months ago, he probably would have believed him. Now, he's not so sure. Either way, he takes the cue that this part of their conversation is over. He has no desire to try to push Itachi when his friend is clearly laying down a boundary. Anyway, Itachi is definitely right about one thing, and it's that it's none of his business.]
I'm sorry then, for assuming. And I have an unrelated question for you. What do you think counts as an act of violence?
Yeah. But I don't have an interest in punching someone who doesn't deserve it. I was hoping I could get away with something smaller. Pinching or flicking. Something like that.
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And no.
Yourself?
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Mine is "Commit an act of violence towards someone who doesn't deserve it." Who even comes up with these things?
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Mine is 'Tell a teammate what you most admire about yourself.'
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If he'd received such a goal...he shakes his head and closes his eyes. Maybe something physical. Or a skill. Then again, he's not sure either of those would count. His hair is pretty. His aim with a bow is remarkable. There are a number of other things he might admit are good. Whether he admires them though...
And he's certain that with the amount of times he's remarked on Itachi's skills or physical appearance and Itachi has brushed if off not with false modesty, but with unfeigned disinterest, he doesn't admire those either.
It doesn't matter that Wei Wuxian could name a number of things about Itachi that are admirable.
It's an exceptionally terrible goal. (And even if he's the same, even if his own exploration of what he would do with that goal highlights all the ways he hates himself, it aches to think about how Itachi feels the same.)]
Cruel. [Is what he says finally, unwilling to pretend not to understand. Cruel to expect men like them with their blood soaked hands to love any part of themselves.]
1/2
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What I think is that if it were my goal, I'd probably fail, that's all.
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anger simmers, though he does not know its source. rare, for one who is so keenly self-controlled, who walks the edge of emotion like a knifeblade. ๏ผ
That is not what you thought.
It is what you are saying, because you think I would refuse your compassion.
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I think if I told you the things I admire about you, you would stop talking to me.
And compassion for people like us can be a barb.
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It is not enough for me to cease speaking with you.
It is natural to feel compassion for a friend. It does not offend me.
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Then I think it's cruel because I know for people like us...even if I don't know what you've done, it weighs on you. I know you carry it.
And I don't know how someone who carries that can see past it to admire anything about themselves at all. No matter how much is there to admire.
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This is not a difficult task for me. Take care not to think us too alike, Wei Wuxian.
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I'm sorry then, for assuming. And I have an unrelated question for you. What do you think counts as an act of violence?
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I'll figure it out.
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There is always someone willing to endure physical violence for someone else's goal.
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Alright, I'll ask. Thanks.