๏ผ he has a curious relationship with being ordered to do anything that mccoy has never directly abutted before. it's briefly visible in the set of his jaw, the way he does not immediately move to obey. tension lives in every line of him, patience frayed like a living nerve.
and then the instinct is marshalled, overridden, set aside. he falls into step alongside the man, quiet as a shadow. he does not speak, simply cocks his head to indicate he is mindful of what mccoy may say. ๏ผ
( the walk is a short one, while mccoy stews in obvious anger, his expression growing more dolorous with every step, until the path ahead opens onto the green stalks of tall grass. out comes the ubiquitous tricorder, a wave in the air just to confirm they're the only thing sentient in hearing distance.
he takes a slow breath. holds it. about turns purple with the effort to control himself, to no avail. turning a neat circle, the doctor drops his bag in a clump of newly-fallen petals, lest he hurl it instead, and with every line of him thrumming in pent-up fury, he finally explodes. )
I swear to God, some folks in this goddamned circus have just enough brains to tan their own hides! Did we learn nothin' from the mess we made of Viveca's world?!
๏ผ he watches mccoy's circuit, the stop, the furious explosion of energy that is mitigated to the tired drop of his bag. missions where choices of morality take a center stage have a particular affect on him, as they do on all good-hearted souls.
itachi says nothing for a long stretch, and then he reaches out and puts his hand — gently, lightly — on the man's shoulder. the physical contact is in itself unusual, but what is moreso perhaps is that it's not as brief and fleeting as his usual custom. funnier perhaps is how he has positioned himself so far away from mccoy that doing this is at the very limit of his reach. it would be awkward if it weren't so sad, his natural proclivity towards distance being briefly passed over in favour of an old, ancient urge to offer comfort. ๏ผ
How many of us are here because of the guilt we carry over something we could not change? It is easier to meddle in someone else's life — or world — unasked and call it a good deed than to examine your own shortcomings, than affecting an outcome you personally have to live with. Most mean well. Some are guided by the arrogance of thinking they know better than those around them.
๏ผ party of one............
it's him. he's that guy, talking 110% from experience here. at least he's self aware enough to recognize it?? red eyes flicker to mccoy, and then away. his voice is very soft when he continues, ๏ผ
I was one of those that opted to remain in Viveca's world unasked. Good intentions do not diminish what followed. I understand your anger, Leonard. ๏ผ a beat. then: ๏ผ Bones. But everyone in this 'circus' has their blind spots. Carrying an awareness of that may allow you to mitigate some issues as they arise, but you are one man, and your compassion for others is not an inexhaustible currency.
( mccoy goes still under itachi's hand, and yet again feels temporarily overcome by emotion for it, the flow and ebb of a wave at a shoreline.
i said we should stay, too, launches itself from the very bottom of his lungs; i said we should talk to them then, too, sticks in his throat because itachi goes and calls him by that name. unexpected, and deeply intimate, it's something reserved only for jim's use, because he gave it to him, and sometimes spock's, because he understands, much like itachi does now.
he rests his sun-warmed fingers over itachi's, a whisper of contact, and looks to those red eyes. )
On E-23b, I held to what the majority wanted, and that was sayin' nothin' to the locals about stayin'. I know I come off rude, and not all that keen to listen when I get het up over somethin' I believe in, but I respect that we all gotta compromise in order to work together.
( bones is calm as he talks, firmly resolved. )
I won't compromise here. I intend to speak with Chief Yerek.
๏ผ he does not withdraw immediately, lest it be seen as a retreat. seconds pass, and then he steps away as if to the limit of some invisible tether. ๏ผ
For what it's worth, you have my support. They have the right to the determination of their own future, even if it is only to marshal themselves for death.
๏ผ it's so intensely condescending, to speak of cruelties and unnecessary impact on an otherwise happy people that knowing might bring. to make that decision for them, as he once did for his clan. he knows better now. truths can be hard, but that makes them no less necessary. ๏ผ
( his agreement is more like a grunt, the crackling heat of his anger all but spent. just when itachi became a reliable source of calm, he doesn't know, but the space between them doesn't feel like a wall anymore, or a moat full of perilous things.
mccoy cards a hand back through his hair, pulling the dark, sweaty strands off his forehead. it's another hot day, the breeze barely stirring even here in the broad shade of a coneflower, its yellow blossoms spread like the rays of the sun. )
It'll be quick.
( not merciful. not easy. but quick.
he forces the change of subject, an abrupt segue without warning. )
๏ผ wei wuxian has been holding out hope that it was merely a teleporter glitch, as before. itachi, privately, has never been one to grasp for hope, but the doctor's words are still like ice entombed along tenketsu.
itachi shakes his head faintly. ๏ผ
Not immediately before. Several days before the mission... I attended a memorial ceremony for the boy she lost. It was the last time we spoke before arriving here.
( the surprise shows on his face, a flicker as if stung, and tamped down as he nods. she might just be waiting for them when they get back, but he knows it's unlikely. the finality of this can't just be coincidence. )
For Peter. She mentioned doing something like that back in Alydhion.
( when he was high as a kite, but he remembered offering her his help. telling her how proud he was of her.
bones sets his grief aside to reach into the space between them, a shift of weight, a brief touch to the edge of itachi's sleeve, nothing more. )
๏ผ his attention drops to the brush of mccoy's hand, but he does not move away. simply remains perfectly still, as if the only alternative is to bolt. he does not speak until mccoy has reclaimed his own space, although he continues to look down at his cuff a moment longer.
finally — ๏ผ
Losing her would devastate Wei Wuxian. We should both take care, to be there for him if on our return she is gone.
๏ผ mccoy gets a bit of a look. just faintly annoyed, in that oddly fond way he has. ๏ผ
My threshold for being anything other than fine is higher than most.
๏ผ he is already mourning the loss of this world. the oddly familiar sensation of a sort of... preemptive grief that feels just a little like drowning threatens to swallow him whole any time he is not directly occupied with something else. ๏ผ
Ask me after we return to the Ximilia, perhaps.
๏ผ it's a vulnerability. maybe. if you squint. ๏ผ
( he is immune to such looks, jackass. the glimpse of vulnerability though... he'll handle it with care. )
I'll hold you to that.
( bones heaves a sigh, glances back the way they came, and comes to a decision, lowering himself down to a seat against the stalk of the coneflower, long legs stretched out in front of him. )
Think it's best if I lose my earpiece for an hour, 'til they tucker themselves out. ( he puts his hand to his ear but waits, turning his gaze up at itachi. ) Thank you, for hearing me out. Again.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
and then the instinct is marshalled, overridden, set aside. he falls into step alongside the man, quiet as a shadow. he does not speak, simply cocks his head to indicate he is mindful of what mccoy may say. ๏ผ
no subject
he takes a slow breath. holds it. about turns purple with the effort to control himself, to no avail. turning a neat circle, the doctor drops his bag in a clump of newly-fallen petals, lest he hurl it instead, and with every line of him thrumming in pent-up fury, he finally explodes. )
I swear to God, some folks in this goddamned circus have just enough brains to tan their own hides! Did we learn nothin' from the mess we made of Viveca's world?!
no subject
itachi says nothing for a long stretch, and then he reaches out and puts his hand — gently, lightly — on the man's shoulder. the physical contact is in itself unusual, but what is moreso perhaps is that it's not as brief and fleeting as his usual custom. funnier perhaps is how he has positioned himself so far away from mccoy that doing this is at the very limit of his reach. it would be awkward if it weren't so sad, his natural proclivity towards distance being briefly passed over in favour of an old, ancient urge to offer comfort. ๏ผ
How many of us are here because of the guilt we carry over something we could not change? It is easier to meddle in someone else's life — or world — unasked and call it a good deed than to examine your own shortcomings, than affecting an outcome you personally have to live with. Most mean well. Some are guided by the arrogance of thinking they know better than those around them.
๏ผ party of one............
it's him. he's that guy, talking 110% from experience here. at least he's self aware enough to recognize it?? red eyes flicker to mccoy, and then away. his voice is very soft when he continues, ๏ผ
I was one of those that opted to remain in Viveca's world unasked. Good intentions do not diminish what followed. I understand your anger, Leonard. ๏ผ a beat. then: ๏ผ Bones. But everyone in this 'circus' has their blind spots. Carrying an awareness of that may allow you to mitigate some issues as they arise, but you are one man, and your compassion for others is not an inexhaustible currency.
no subject
i said we should stay, too, launches itself from the very bottom of his lungs; i said we should talk to them then, too, sticks in his throat because itachi goes and calls him by that name. unexpected, and deeply intimate, it's something reserved only for jim's use, because he gave it to him, and sometimes spock's, because he understands, much like itachi does now.
he rests his sun-warmed fingers over itachi's, a whisper of contact, and looks to those red eyes. )
On E-23b, I held to what the majority wanted, and that was sayin' nothin' to the locals about stayin'. I know I come off rude, and not all that keen to listen when I get het up over somethin' I believe in, but I respect that we all gotta compromise in order to work together.
( bones is calm as he talks, firmly resolved. )
I won't compromise here. I intend to speak with Chief Yerek.
no subject
For what it's worth, you have my support. They have the right to the determination of their own future, even if it is only to marshal themselves for death.
๏ผ it's so intensely condescending, to speak of cruelties and unnecessary impact on an otherwise happy people that knowing might bring. to make that decision for them, as he once did for his clan. he knows better now. truths can be hard, but that makes them no less necessary. ๏ผ
no subject
mccoy cards a hand back through his hair, pulling the dark, sweaty strands off his forehead. it's another hot day, the breeze barely stirring even here in the broad shade of a coneflower, its yellow blossoms spread like the rays of the sun. )
It'll be quick.
( not merciful. not easy. but quick.
he forces the change of subject, an abrupt segue without warning. )
Did Gwen see you before she left?
no subject
itachi shakes his head faintly. ๏ผ
Not immediately before. Several days before the mission... I attended a memorial ceremony for the boy she lost. It was the last time we spoke before arriving here.
no subject
For Peter. She mentioned doing something like that back in Alydhion.
( when he was high as a kite, but he remembered offering her his help. telling her how proud he was of her.
bones sets his grief aside to reach into the space between them, a shift of weight, a brief touch to the edge of itachi's sleeve, nothing more. )
Thank you for bein' there for her.
no subject
finally — ๏ผ
Losing her would devastate Wei Wuxian. We should both take care, to be there for him if on our return she is gone.
no subject
( how could anyone think itachi is without feeling, when he cares so much? mccoy eyes him. )
If you tell me you're fine, I'll swat you.
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My threshold for being anything other than fine is higher than most.
๏ผ he is already mourning the loss of this world. the oddly familiar sensation of a sort of... preemptive grief that feels just a little like drowning threatens to swallow him whole any time he is not directly occupied with something else. ๏ผ
Ask me after we return to the Ximilia, perhaps.
๏ผ it's a vulnerability. maybe. if you squint. ๏ผ
no subject
I'll hold you to that.
( bones heaves a sigh, glances back the way they came, and comes to a decision, lowering himself down to a seat against the stalk of the coneflower, long legs stretched out in front of him. )
Think it's best if I lose my earpiece for an hour, 'til they tucker themselves out. ( he puts his hand to his ear but waits, turning his gaze up at itachi. ) Thank you, for hearing me out. Again.
no subject
๏ผ his attention cuts to the earpiece, and then: ๏ผ
I'll come find you in an hour.