（ it's as much affirmation as he is capable of giving, said mildly in lieu of acknowledging that thanks for the food. ）
As for this — （ a gesture to his current appearance. ） I would prefer the others aboard the Ximilia not know this is something of which I am capable. Please refrain from telling them.
（ a faint sigh. then: ）
Jake and Wei Wuxian excepted. You may speak to them if you wish. Or Doctor McCoy.
He sounded so sure. Casual. Like Itachi had no idea at all how important it was.
Finn swallows thickly around too-much fish, coughing a few times as he reaches for his tea. It was too hot, but the slight burn down his throat was preferable to the frog set on lodging itself there. ]
Heh, okay. [ He coughs once more, blinking rapidly a few times before angling his chopsticks for another mouthful. ] I won't tell anybody else, promise.
[ Finn jerks his head up, coughing again from the suddenness of the question. ]
Huh? [ The noise of the question hits before the actual content does. Understanding fills Finn's blank stare, making him appear suddenly caught. ] Yeah, everything's cool.
[ Wait, no, was Itachi just asking about the coughing? He was probably asking about the coughing. ]
I should've paced myself better, like you said. [ He grins, trying to keep it genuine. ] It's just really yummy.
（ he truly is a poor actor. like wei wuxian, he attempts to hide his discomfort behind an assertion of wellbeing — but unlike wei wuxian, he has not perfected the sleight of word necessary to manage it seamlessly.
itachi takes up his teacup and leans back in his chair. blonde hair gets pushed back from his forehead, paid no more mind than if it was his own dark colour. ）
I was not speaking of the food. How was the orphanage?
[ A lengthy beat of silence follows Itachi's follow up question. It's not necessarily that Finn is expecting him to be convinced. More than anything, the teenager was expecting him to drop it. Maybe Jake didn't always let him get away with these kinds of evasions, but nine times out ten he would accept the dodge and take his cue to change the subject. It was a kindness and an indulgence all in one.
Suffice to say, Finn simply hadn't planned this far ahead. ]
It was--[ Fine. Upsetting. Made him think about the ways his life could've gone. Made him think of a life without the family that found him. Made him think of a version of reality where no one ever found him. ] I don't know. It was sad. A lot of kids have lost people here.
（ when finn described the land of ooo, he spoke at length of candy people, talking animals, something called a 'rainicorn'. one thing, eerily absent from his casual recounting in the infirmary, was the mention of other humans.
a lot of kids have lost people here, the boy says. as if itachi had asked about them, and not him.
he studies finn a moment, and then: ）
It is difficult, when you are an empathetic person. Other people's suffering can feel like an ocean.
[ It didn't take much for Itachi's gaze to feel particularly penetrating, a fact not weakened by his new face. Finn shrinks a bit under the weight of it, moving his chopsticks around his bowl with distracted focus.
Of all the comparisons to make... ]
I guess so. [ It feels completely inadequate as an response, Finn's mouth tightening awkwardly at the corners as he chews on the words. ] And like, I sorta know what they've got ahead of them. It's hard.
[ Finn frowns down at his food, chewing another too-big bite of salmon. It was really good; the sharpness of the ginger mixing with the fattiness of the fish to create a sort of creamy richness. Finn wonders idly where Itachi got fish this fresh. The city was so urban and dense, it must've been expensive. Did he already have it? Did he... buy it for him, or...
The train of thought trails off to nothing once Finn hears the silence hanging around them, right alongside Itachi's lingering question. The richness of the fish fades against his tongue, feeling all of the sudden closer to ash. ]
Oh. Sorry, yeah, sure. [ He sits up a little straighter, as if Itachi just asked him to report on the mission. ] Most of the people there were like... the harder cases, I guess? There's an orphanage for the really little kids, like babies? And then another orphanage for people who's parents were still alive but who couldn't take care of them right now or just. Didn't want them for some reason.
[ Finn pauses for a moment, stirring the rice around in his bowl. ]
Anyway, almost everyone in Waywards got picked up off the streets for some reason. Like, a lot of people got arrested like me, some of the other kids were just homeless and got scooped up by the Federation eventually. I met this one little girl named Eris, she and her brother were both picked up but he was really little, like two or something, so he got sent to the other orphanage.
There was this other guy named Kon, he was really... he just had a lot of issues, I guess? He threw a chair at one of the other kids my first day there. I tried to talk to him, y'know, to keep things chill? But he just--he was just really angry.
[ There's another long pause. Finn hasn't looked at Itachi once throughout his recounting, until now. He flicks his gaze up to meet the blonde woman across from him, as if searching for something, before immediately looking back down at his food. Whatever he was hoping to see, the lingering unease about Itachi's new form makes Finn give up quickly. ]
Is there anything like... specific, you wanted to know?
（ the change to finn's posture. the way he rattles off information like a less-disciplined version of one of his subordinates in anbu, as if he thinks that itachi cares to sift through the wreckage of his recitation to find something of value not to either of them personally, but to the mission.
he does wonder, not for the first time, if perhaps the face and body he chose to retrieve finn from the orphanage was perhaps a little too close to correct.
he's silent a moment, and then: ）
No. I just wished to know how the experience was for you.
（ he reaches for his tea, fingers curling around the unfamiliar style of cup with a faint, deft twitch. when he speaks, his words are measured. there is certain care taken with them, as with all delicate things. ）
This is not an interrogation, Finn. You attempted something on your own, from good intentions and ideas. It may not have worked out as you intended, but what I am hearing from you is that you used the opportunities it presented to show kindness and empathy to those most in need of it. Leaving the worlds we visit better than we found them is more important by far than being one of many hands contributing to finding the orb.
[ Leave it to Itachi to see right through to the heart of things. It was just like their first face-to-face meeting; slicing to the very core of him with what felt like no effort at all. Looking at the illusion of him now, it kind of reminded Finn of more than just his own mother. As Finn tugs curiously on that thread of his own mind, the smell of vinegar and tea is suddenly replaced with that of blood and hay.
Did he take this form on purpose, to mess with me? Is this another test?
It's a wild, uncharitable thought that chokes Finn with guilt the moment he arrives at it. The contents of his vault were full to bursting these days, allowing the faint traces of unaddressed trauma to seep out from the seams along the bolted door. It's all Finn can do to take another huge bite of his dinner, straining his jaw as he chewed nearly the bowl of rice in one mouthful.
It bought him time to tuck things back where they needed to go. His mom, his dad, both of them were placed carefully back in the faux-existence they'd chosen for themselves over Finn. Itachi wasn't either of them, and he wasn't trying to hurt him, he was just... Itachi. Impossibly cool, impossibly boring old Itachi. The dude who got him out of kid jail, who liked to make corndogs just because he loved his friend, and who was nice to him. Who was being nice to him right now.
Finn swallows with a soft bleh of regret, rubbing at his sore jaw. He flicks his eyes up to the older man, shrugging bashfully. ]
Yeah, I hear you. I mean, if all I can do is make somebody feel better, at least that's kinda useful. [ The word feels strange in Finn's mouth, once again calling back to a prior conversation. His vault was really giving him trouble today, dang. Better make his grin even goofier to compensate. ] Silver linings, right?
（ there is much to be said about the way genjutsu hones the mind. itachi studies the boy. the way he eats. the way he smiles. the way he speaks. everything has an identifiable vector, the point at which a nascent emotion blossomed into life, and choked on the cloying rage.
he lifts the tea. takes a mild sip. then, as he sets it soundlessly down: ）
[ There's something insufferably teenage about the sigh that escapes Finn's lips as he slumps down in his chair, albeit born from the kind of teenager that didn't often have the luxury of existing in Itachi's world. He stirs his chopsticks around in the rice with mild irritation, eyes cast down. It's the kind of look that says why won't you drop this, or more accurately caught. ]
I don't know, because it is! I guess. It's like the job you gave me on Ciraiwei. Like, I know it was important to keep the kids calm, but it's not like I was one of the people actually getting them out of there. [ Another huffing sigh, his own thoughts clarifying as he speaks them. ] It's not like I'm crunked about it or anything. I'm used to fighting with or, like, against people way stronger than me. And it never bothered or scared me before, but I guess it's just--we're not even fighting here, most of the time. The only thing I'm not totally bunk at other than that is, I dunno...babysitting.
[ More rice stirring. He risks a quick glance up to Itachi, briefly startled all over again to not see his friend's actual face there before looking back at his bowl. ]
I just- when I first got here, I thought maybe I'd finally found my people. [ He pulls a face, clarifying quickly. ] But then we get these missions where the whole point is pretending to be someone else, some other human, and it's like... everyone just knows how to do it. Like, they've known so many humans in their lives, it's not even hard.
[ He pushes his hand back through his hair, frustration settling into something quieter. ]
I don't care if I'm a weirdo, I'm used to that. But I thought I’d feel more like…I fit in. And like…I can help. But mostly I’ve just needed rescuing, and then it’s like…I’m just another part of the job.
（ he listens. there is no judgment in his expression, and at no point does he seem primed to interject. he simply lets finn talk, and whatever the spill of tangled emotions evokes in him remain solidly behind the mask of a face that is not his own.
then he reaches out across the table, and touches finn's wrist very briefly, there and gone. ）
I understand.
（ his own feelings are not quite the same. he is certainly a stranger to the sting of those feelings of helpless uselessness that finn describes. but there are other things that dovetail into one another. the social conventions, the customs, the languages, the clothing. the way so many of the others have come to know what is normal to him, and called it otherwise.
he sets his jaw briefly, and then: ）
When the world has been on your shoulders, it is easy to take any amount of lifted weight as pity. （ his mouth quirks in something that may have been a smile, were it not so bleakly humourous. ） However, you are not incorrect in saying that the majority of the missions do not require fighting of the sort at which you and I excel. So tell me — what are some other skills you think would be worthwhile to cultivate?
[ Finn’s brow furrows, glancing at Itachi with a sullen expression that was uncharacteristic, although perhaps more familiar to Itachi than to many other members of the crew. ]
I-I don’t know…I don’t know much other than fighting. And…and a lot of the really useful junk other people do is like. They have special powers, they’re super geniuses or they’re immortal…
[ Finn shrugs his shoulders, looking to the side with a somewhat defeated sigh. ]
I guess here I’m…pretty normal. I’m just. A regular human. What good is that?
[ finn raises his eyebrows, feeling like he’d just had a pop quiz sprung on him. Or he would, if he had any idea what that felt like. ]
You? You…well, uh…you have all kinds of cool ninja powers, and illusions and… [ He hesitates before gesturing broadly at Itachi himself, at the utterly convincing disguise that he’d so effortlessly enacted. ] Stuff.
And if you were to remove those things from me — as some missions have done — thus effectively making me a 'regular human', would you deride my usefulness the way you just did your own?
[ Finn stares at him, realization of the set-up he’d walked right into dawning quickly. ]
Alright, I get it. [ He sighs, rolling his shoulders in a petulant shrug. Trying to brush off the very valid point that Itachi was trying to make. ]
But you’re still like…you’ve got so many skills! You’re good at acting like someone else, or being stealthy, or that- that cool knife stuff. [ a brief huff ] You’re even good at cooking!
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
f
（ it's as much affirmation as he is capable of giving, said mildly in lieu of acknowledging that thanks for the food. ）
As for this — （ a gesture to his current appearance. ） I would prefer the others aboard the Ximilia not know this is something of which I am capable. Please refrain from telling them.
（ a faint sigh. then: ）
Jake and Wei Wuxian excepted. You may speak to them if you wish. Or Doctor McCoy.
no subject
He sounded so sure. Casual. Like Itachi had no idea at all how important it was.
Finn swallows thickly around too-much fish, coughing a few times as he reaches for his tea. It was too hot, but the slight burn down his throat was preferable to the frog set on lodging itself there. ]
Heh, okay. [ He coughs once more, blinking rapidly a few times before angling his chopsticks for another mouthful. ] I won't tell anybody else, promise.
no subject
Are you all right?
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Huh? [ The noise of the question hits before the actual content does. Understanding fills Finn's blank stare, making him appear suddenly caught. ] Yeah, everything's cool.
[ Wait, no, was Itachi just asking about the coughing? He was probably asking about the coughing. ]
I should've paced myself better, like you said. [ He grins, trying to keep it genuine. ] It's just really yummy.
no subject
itachi takes up his teacup and leans back in his chair. blonde hair gets pushed back from his forehead, paid no more mind than if it was his own dark colour. ）
I was not speaking of the food. How was the orphanage?
no subject
Suffice to say, Finn simply hadn't planned this far ahead. ]
It was--[ Fine. Upsetting. Made him think about the ways his life could've gone. Made him think of a life without the family that found him. Made him think of a version of reality where no one ever found him. ] I don't know. It was sad. A lot of kids have lost people here.
no subject
a lot of kids have lost people here, the boy says. as if itachi had asked about them, and not him.
he studies finn a moment, and then: ）
It is difficult, when you are an empathetic person. Other people's suffering can feel like an ocean.
no subject
Of all the comparisons to make... ]
I guess so. [ It feels completely inadequate as an response, Finn's mouth tightening awkwardly at the corners as he chews on the words. ] And like, I sorta know what they've got ahead of them. It's hard.
no subject
（ after all, he has orphaned many more people than sasuke. only a fool would insulate themselves beyond understanding just what that means. ）
Will you tell me of the children you met there?
no subject
The train of thought trails off to nothing once Finn hears the silence hanging around them, right alongside Itachi's lingering question. The richness of the fish fades against his tongue, feeling all of the sudden closer to ash. ]
Oh. Sorry, yeah, sure. [ He sits up a little straighter, as if Itachi just asked him to report on the mission. ] Most of the people there were like... the harder cases, I guess? There's an orphanage for the really little kids, like babies? And then another orphanage for people who's parents were still alive but who couldn't take care of them right now or just. Didn't want them for some reason.
[ Finn pauses for a moment, stirring the rice around in his bowl. ]
Anyway, almost everyone in Waywards got picked up off the streets for some reason. Like, a lot of people got arrested like me, some of the other kids were just homeless and got scooped up by the Federation eventually. I met this one little girl named Eris, she and her brother were both picked up but he was really little, like two or something, so he got sent to the other orphanage.
There was this other guy named Kon, he was really... he just had a lot of issues, I guess? He threw a chair at one of the other kids my first day there. I tried to talk to him, y'know, to keep things chill? But he just--he was just really angry.
[ There's another long pause. Finn hasn't looked at Itachi once throughout his recounting, until now. He flicks his gaze up to meet the blonde woman across from him, as if searching for something, before immediately looking back down at his food. Whatever he was hoping to see, the lingering unease about Itachi's new form makes Finn give up quickly. ]
Is there anything like... specific, you wanted to know?
no subject
he does wonder, not for the first time, if perhaps the face and body he chose to retrieve finn from the orphanage was perhaps a little too close to correct.
he's silent a moment, and then: ）
No. I just wished to know how the experience was for you.
（ he reaches for his tea, fingers curling around the unfamiliar style of cup with a faint, deft twitch. when he speaks, his words are measured. there is certain care taken with them, as with all delicate things. ）
This is not an interrogation, Finn. You attempted something on your own, from good intentions and ideas. It may not have worked out as you intended, but what I am hearing from you is that you used the opportunities it presented to show kindness and empathy to those most in need of it. Leaving the worlds we visit better than we found them is more important by far than being one of many hands contributing to finding the orb.
no subject
Did he take this form on purpose, to mess with me? Is this another test?
It's a wild, uncharitable thought that chokes Finn with guilt the moment he arrives at it. The contents of his vault were full to bursting these days, allowing the faint traces of unaddressed trauma to seep out from the seams along the bolted door. It's all Finn can do to take another huge bite of his dinner, straining his jaw as he chewed nearly the bowl of rice in one mouthful.
It bought him time to tuck things back where they needed to go. His mom, his dad, both of them were placed carefully back in the faux-existence they'd chosen for themselves
over Finn. Itachi wasn't either of them, and he wasn't trying to hurt him, he was just... Itachi. Impossibly cool, impossibly boring old Itachi. The dude who got him out of kid jail, who liked to make corndogs just because he loved his friend, and who was nice to him. Who was being nice to him right now.Finn swallows with a soft bleh of regret, rubbing at his sore jaw. He flicks his eyes up to the older man, shrugging bashfully. ]
Yeah, I hear you. I mean, if all I can do is make somebody feel better, at least that's kinda useful. [ The word feels strange in Finn's mouth, once again calling back to a prior conversation. His vault was really giving him trouble today, dang. Better make his grin even goofier to compensate. ] Silver linings, right?
no subject
he lifts the tea. takes a mild sip. then, as he sets it soundlessly down: ）
Why do you say 'kind of' useful?
no subject
I don't know, because it is! I guess. It's like the job you gave me on Ciraiwei. Like, I know it was important to keep the kids calm, but it's not like I was one of the people actually getting them out of there. [ Another huffing sigh, his own thoughts clarifying as he speaks them. ] It's not like I'm crunked about it or anything. I'm used to fighting with or, like, against people way stronger than me. And it never bothered or scared me before, but I guess it's just--we're not even fighting here, most of the time. The only thing I'm not totally bunk at other than that is, I dunno...babysitting.
[ More rice stirring. He risks a quick glance up to Itachi, briefly startled all over again to not see his friend's actual face there before looking back at his bowl. ]
I just- when I first got here, I thought maybe I'd finally found my people. [ He pulls a face, clarifying quickly. ] But then we get these missions where the whole point is pretending to be someone else, some other human, and it's like... everyone just knows how to do it. Like, they've known so many humans in their lives, it's not even hard.
[ He pushes his hand back through his hair, frustration settling into something quieter. ]
I don't care if I'm a weirdo, I'm used to that. But I thought I’d feel more like…I fit in. And like…I can help. But mostly I’ve just needed rescuing, and then it’s like…I’m just another part of the job.
no subject
then he reaches out across the table, and touches finn's wrist very briefly, there and gone. ）
I understand.
（ his own feelings are not quite the same. he is certainly a stranger to the sting of those feelings of helpless uselessness that finn describes. but there are other things that dovetail into one another. the social conventions, the customs, the languages, the clothing. the way so many of the others have come to know what is normal to him, and called it otherwise.
he sets his jaw briefly, and then: ）
When the world has been on your shoulders, it is easy to take any amount of lifted weight as pity. （ his mouth quirks in something that may have been a smile, were it not so bleakly humourous. ） However, you are not incorrect in saying that the majority of the missions do not require fighting of the sort at which you and I excel. So tell me — what are some other skills you think would be worthwhile to cultivate?
no subject
I-I don’t know…I don’t know much other than fighting. And…and a lot of the really useful junk other people do is like. They have special powers, they’re super geniuses or they’re immortal…
[ Finn shrugs his shoulders, looking to the side with a somewhat defeated sigh. ]
I guess here I’m…pretty normal. I’m just. A regular human. What good is that?
no subject
（ a faint cant of his head. errant strands of soft, honey-blonde hair follow the line of his jaw as he does it. ）
no subject
You? You…well, uh…you have all kinds of cool ninja powers, and illusions and… [ He hesitates before gesturing broadly at Itachi himself, at the utterly convincing disguise that he’d so effortlessly enacted. ] Stuff.
no subject
（ it is a pop quiz. and you failed. congrats. ）
no subject
Alright, I get it. [ He sighs, rolling his shoulders in a petulant shrug. Trying to brush off the very valid point that Itachi was trying to make. ]
But you’re still like…you’ve got so many skills! You’re good at acting like someone else, or being stealthy, or that- that cool knife stuff. [ a brief huff ] You’re even good at cooking!