[The sight of the familiar sign shifts his smile from delighted to warmed and he mimics it with ease, taking the offered hand a second later and rising to his feet. He brushes snow from his pants as he moves to collect his board, and then tosses a grin over his shoulder.]
（ he makes a faint hm, and then retrieves his snowboard from the copse and gestures for wei wuxian to follow him.
the rest is lost in tedium — returning the boards, returning to itachi's rented room, stripping out of the cold weather gear and into something more appropriate for the labyrinthine hotsprings both beneath in beautiful, naturally-carved out caves and alcoves, and against the resort's northern-most wall. itachi leads wei wuxian through the complex to one of the natural springs in the lower levels — they're hotter than the ones that are fully outdoors, and are able to be rented privately and billed to the room itself.
the ritual of preparing for an onsen is a familiar comfort even now. there are a number of private shower stalls and he selects one, opting to slough off the grime and sweat from the day. afterwards, he does his hair up in a messy topknot before slipping to the water's edge with a small towel slung over one shoulder. being nude around wei wuxian is not new, and he's never been particularly self-conscious in that way anyway, so he just steps down into the hot water, finds a natural outcropping that seems to have been used over the centuries as a bench, and rests.
before too long, wei wuxian will come and fill the air with excitable conversation, and rather than find the prospect tiresome itachi is actually — somewhat looking forward to it. as much as he has a deep, abiding appreciation of silence, wei wuxian's breaking it has never felt like something lost or taken from him, merely something different. ）
[Wei Wuxian is only moments behind Itachi and he sinks into the springs with a soft hiss of satisfaction, the heat of the water immediately doing wonders for his much abused body. He might be fairly in shape, but as it turns out snowboarding uses muscles he hadn't even known he had.
It's a beautiful spring although it does have an eerie resemblance to the cave he and the others had fought the Xuanwu in as teens. He supposes those caves had been beautiful as well and he might have noticed then if he hadn't been so busy fighting a legendary monster. The thought makes him snort quietly under his breath before he raises his gaze to meet Itachi's, eyes crinkling in a smile.]
We should petition Miss Viveca to create a hot spring aboard the Ximilia. I bet she could do it. [It might not be the best use of space though. He lets out a soft sigh of contentment and shifts on his own makeshift seat, sinking down lower into the water.]
（ he is full of none of the effusive appreciation that wei wuxian is — at least not in the same overt sense. his singular concession to enjoyment is the faint upwards quirk at one corner of his mouth, fading only slightly when wei wuxian mentions viveca.
he gives the man a long, speculative look. then: ）
I am... considering remaining aboard the Ximilia. After our mission is concluded.
（ he could continue the small talk in the very same spirit in which it was offered, but he knows wei wuxian will forgive him the deviation from the pleasures of hotsprings to discuss a rather more serious discussion. ）
[Wei Wuxian’s eyes open and widen with surprise, his gaze resting plainly on Itachi.
Itachi has never said it, not exactly, but Wei Wuxian isn't unaware that they share a complete lack of desire to return to life in the worlds they knew. Wei Wuxian has been more open about his willingness to return to a new cycle of life, and of the joy he takes in the gift of life given to him aboard the Ximilia. He doesn't want to die even if he is content with the life he knew having met its end.
Itachi has never echoed the sentiment.
He hadn't presumed it's meaning. Not really. He'd wondered, but for as close as they are, there are some things that can't be asked after.
And this is the first time that question has had even a sliver of an answer.
(Because if he wanted to stay, then he would live.)]
[He goes quiet for a moment after that, contemplating what that would be like. Itachi living aboard the Ximilia alongside Viveca and Degar, traveling the (sometimes metaphorical) stars. Maybe he'd grow to tolerate or even like Degar's music, and he'd have Viveca's wit and quiet companionship to keep him company.
He can picture it. It would be peaceful. It feels right.
(He ignores the deep ache that the image provokes in his heart.)]
（ perhaps it's a warning, born of the peculiar tone wei wuxian has slipped into. not to put too much faith in the choice. the truth is, it will only ever be a stay of execution.
(but it would be nice, to put a little back into the universe before returning to jōdo) ）
It would certainly be interesting though. Sometimes. [He stops and starts, allowing his gaze to trail around the cave.]
Sometimes I can't believe where we are and what we're doing. The wonder of it all...I know our mission is serious, but the worlds we go to and all of the things we've seen—it feels like a gift.
（ his own thoughts have rarely been so hopeful, but something of the sentiment resonates. his expression softens, and he takes a moment in the heat of the water to wipe the towel across his face. ）
It is remarkable. I could not have imagined much of what I have come to see, or know.
（ he does not mourn his own life. he died as he had intended, a plan nearly a decade in the making. he had been living so long only to die.
but he has had experiences now that he is... wistful, perhaps, of having never known in his own world. the night with yennefer, making corndogs with gwen, stargazing with blue, seeing the enterprise with doctor mccoy, or the feeling of finn's nightmares quieting beneath his hand. even jake, who as a dog ought barely register at all to him — is still one who has brought him a certain measure of comfort and peace.
sasuke is never far from his mind. even now, everything he does is for the willful betterment of his brother's life.
but he's built one, perhaps, that does not only hinge on that one singular outcome. ）
I am glad the Ximilia afforded me the chance to meet you, Wei Ying.
（ he is too much an uchiha to take love for granted, even now. ）
[He's been getting used to the sound of his birth name in Itachi's voice, and it sounds right now, like it was always meant to reside there. He holds Itachi's gaze with an unflinching one of his own.]
I'm glad for having met you too, Itachi. [His gaze holds and his mouth softens into a smile.]
I don't know if fate's hands stretch this far into the universe. Maybe they don't. Maybe this is the first time our two souls have ever encountered each other. [It's a freeing thought, if he's honest. He doesn't begrudge fate its role, but to be outside of its grasp isn't something he ever thought possible.] What I know is that if I'm born into another life, I'll take a piece of you with me, imprinted on my soul.
[An unprovoked attack! Wei Wuxian sputters and instinctively flicks water back, his soft smile blooming into a laugh.]
We'll work on that part. [He grins.
If it takes dying to meet you again, I'll happily take my final breath he thinks to himself but doesn't say aloud. There is, he thinks, only so much sentiment either of them can handle.]
（ few moments in his life have ever given him the sense of settled rightness as this moment does. it spreads through him the way lifesblood stains snow — and he imagines it. a world where they might meet each other again. perhaps not a shinobi world, or a cultivator's. perhaps they would find themselves in a place like viveca's world, where circumstances would drive them together. perhaps one like xrisora, living in an era long-untouched by war.
(is it selfish, to want his family there? another life, another world, perhaps even another universe altogether.
is it selfish, to want wei wuxian's family there as well?) ）
Hm. I suppose.
（ a beat. then: ）
There are eighteen beds in the north wing, you know.
（ it is only a consideration, as he said. there are many miles between now and even the possibility of such a thing, and itachi is used to biding his time where his own desires are concerned. but the truth of it is, he can see it. safeguarding the orbs is a worthwhile task. he will fracture the fabric of his world's reality for sasuke's sake, and that timeline will carry on — that boy, that itachi might never waken the mangekyō at all. shisui may not die. the clan may learn humility, and patience, and perhaps one day...
(well, he knows full well that sasuke becomes powerful enough to rival a hokage, doesn't he?)
and it will be him, but it will not be him just the same — because the only choice he could ever have made is the one he chose to make. it is perhaps the only way he can rationalize to himself that a second chance is warranted at all for the boy uchiha itachi.
he does not object to being dead. but while there is useful work yet for him to do, and he so uniquely positioned to do it — how can he do anything else? ）
Yeah. [He says, voice warm. Interesting, exciting, breathtaking, terrifying, wonderful. It would be one hell of a ride, and with Itachi at his side, every moment would be worth it.
He doesn't deserve this second chance at life he's been given (however temporary it is) but it has been given, and he isn't going to stand by and let it pass by without holding onto every moment. If he can travel the stars for a while longer with Itachi, then he'll travel the stars.]
Another adventure, hmm? [His eyes drift upwards again and he smiles softly to himself.]
When I was young I made an oath to myself to uphold justice—real justice—and help those in need. I think...it'd be good to have a chance to do that before I go.
（ wei wuxian saw a cruel world, and thought only of how to fix it. there had never been a moment's concern for how he might bleed for it, how deeply the fixing may cut. ）
But you have already been doing that, well before I met you. There can be a point where you have given enough, you know.
（ his tone is gentle, and there is no judgment in it. perhaps he simply wants the man to make the choice for himself, because he deserves the opportunity to see the beauty and the wonder in the universe, not because there is some duty waiting for him that lurks beyond the veil of stars. ）
[From someone else, anyone else, he would push the sentiment aside, sure of his own failures in that regard. With Itachi, he at least pauses to give the idea its due.]
I certainly tried. [He admits after a long moment, his voice soft and a little melancholy.]
...it's hard to see it that way when I failed so spectacularly. I don't mean to gather pity with that, it's true. I wanted to do right by the world, but in the end, I caused more harm and the Wen still died. [A beat.]
Well, almost all of them. [And his smile softens.] It still feels unreal that a-Yuan lived, even now that he's here. Maybe I did a little good, hmm? Despite all of my blundering.
（ they might be sitting fellas is it gay to sit six feet apart from your best friend in a hot tub naked some distance apart from one another, but itachi does slip closer, puts one hand on wei wuxian's shoulder and with the other hand curls his fingers beneath the man's chin and tips it up. ）
The hardest thing to do in the world is to try and leave it a better place than you found it. How many thousands of others with power and means well beyond your own never even tried? Failure is irrelevant. You gave all that anyone could have asked of you. That it was not enough is a burden of the mind, not the spirit.
（ he gives the man a pointed look, and then lets his hand drop away. ）
[Itachi's fingers curled beneath his chin are gentle though they might as well be made of iron for all that Wei Wuxian can't look away from his gaze. It's a strange thing to Wei Wuxian, that so many should fear the red of the sharingan, when its his natural gaze that holds so much power.
He huffs quietly, ignoring the way his pulse jumps in his veins.]
Maybe. [He admits, and it's progress even if it doesn't sound like it. The look he gives Itachi isn't quite a smile, but the warmth of affection is undeniable. Maybe one day he'll see his life the way Itachi does, and until then he's glad to have his friend's reassurances.]
Either way I'd like to continue and not just for that. My parents were wanderers and I always wanted to be too. It's in my blood to explore, I just never though it would be on such a grand scale.
[He shakes his head, but his expression brightens all the same.]
I know almost nothing. I know my father, Wei Changze, was a commoner who rose to be Jiang Fengmian's right hand disciple. I've told you about my mother before, haven't I? That she was the disciple of an immortal cultivator? [He's sure he has but even if he hasn't, that's not what Itachi asked. He asked what they were like.]
People say I'm like her. [His smile warms.] That she was mischievous and always questioning things, just like me. My father was...soft spoken, from what I've heard. Quiet, but not shy. Warm.
And they loved each other very much. That I know. [He turns his smile to the water.]
I don't remember them. I was so young when they were killed on a nighthunt. But...I have a single memory. Barely a memory at that, it's more a feeling. [He pauses to lift his head, his eyes fixed on a point in the distance.]
We were on the road. My mother and I were riding a donkey. She had her arms around me, and my father...he was leading the donkey by the reins. I don't remember their faces, but they were happy. Smiling at each other, and laughing. I only remember...I remember feeling safe. I remember feeling loved.
[He blinks himself out of his reverie and smiles sheepishly.] Sorry, that wasn't exactly what you asked. [He lets out a soft laugh.]
（ his own expression is soft, listening to him recount it. it does hurt, that he knows so little. but the empathy is a distant ache, easily set aside. many children are orphans. many have even fewer memories than that. their worlds have a shared violence that they cannot so easily escape. he too looks askance, imagining it. a little boy with dark hair and a mischievous smile is not difficult to imagine. nor the warmth of the mother, nor even the laughter. ）
I am （ one of his faint pauses, as he casts about for an appropriate word. ultimately, he settles on one that is simplistic in its conveyance, and boundless in its care — ） gladdened, that you have that. I only wish you had more.
[That warm gaze moves back to Itachi and he shakes his head.]
It's alright. It's enough. I had a loving family once and that's so much. [It's so much more than what so many others have.] And I love my siblings. I can't imagine a life without them. [For all the bad, for all the dysfunction and pain, he won't ever think of himself as anything but lucky to have lived with the Jiangs.]
Who knows, maybe I'll meet them again in another life. Maybe I'll even be theirs again. [he chuckles lightly.] Who can say?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Now what was it about those hot springs?
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the rest is lost in tedium — returning the boards, returning to itachi's rented room, stripping out of the cold weather gear and into something more appropriate for the labyrinthine hotsprings both beneath in beautiful, naturally-carved out caves and alcoves, and against the resort's northern-most wall. itachi leads wei wuxian through the complex to one of the natural springs in the lower levels — they're hotter than the ones that are fully outdoors, and are able to be rented privately and billed to the room itself.
the ritual of preparing for an onsen is a familiar comfort even now. there are a number of private shower stalls and he selects one, opting to slough off the grime and sweat from the day. afterwards, he does his hair up in a messy topknot before slipping to the water's edge with a small towel slung over one shoulder. being nude around wei wuxian is not new, and he's never been particularly self-conscious in that way anyway, so he just steps down into the hot water, finds a natural outcropping that seems to have been used over the centuries as a bench, and rests.
before too long, wei wuxian will come and fill the air with excitable conversation, and rather than find the prospect tiresome itachi is actually — somewhat looking forward to it. as much as he has a deep, abiding appreciation of silence, wei wuxian's breaking it has never felt like something lost or taken from him, merely something different. ）
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It's a beautiful spring although it does have an eerie resemblance to the cave he and the others had fought the Xuanwu in as teens. He supposes those caves had been beautiful as well and he might have noticed then if he hadn't been so busy fighting a legendary monster. The thought makes him snort quietly under his breath before he raises his gaze to meet Itachi's, eyes crinkling in a smile.]
We should petition Miss Viveca to create a hot spring aboard the Ximilia. I bet she could do it. [It might not be the best use of space though. He lets out a soft sigh of contentment and shifts on his own makeshift seat, sinking down lower into the water.]
Ah, this is so nice. I miss this.
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he gives the man a long, speculative look. then: ）
I am... considering remaining aboard the Ximilia. After our mission is concluded.
（ he could continue the small talk in the very same spirit in which it was offered, but he knows wei wuxian will forgive him the deviation from the pleasures of hotsprings to discuss a rather more serious discussion. ）
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Itachi has never said it, not exactly, but Wei Wuxian isn't unaware that they share a complete lack of desire to return to life in the worlds they knew. Wei Wuxian has been more open about his willingness to return to a new cycle of life, and of the joy he takes in the gift of life given to him aboard the Ximilia. He doesn't want to die even if he is content with the life he knew having met its end.
Itachi has never echoed the sentiment.
He hadn't presumed it's meaning. Not really. He'd wondered, but for as close as they are, there are some things that can't be asked after.
And this is the first time that question has had even a sliver of an answer.
(Because if he wanted to stay, then he would live.)]
Is that—can you do that?
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Presumably. Viveca and Degar were members of the prior crew, after all. I have not voiced this... possibility to either of them as yet.
（ truthfully, he isn't certain why he is mentioning it to wei wuxian now. perhaps it is only — ）
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He can picture it. It would be peaceful. It feels right.
(He ignores the deep ache that the image provokes in his heart.)]
You should. It would suit you.
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（ perhaps it's a warning, born of the peculiar tone wei wuxian has slipped into. not to put too much faith in the choice. the truth is, it will only ever be a stay of execution.
(but it would be nice, to put a little back into the universe before returning to jōdo) ）
But it might prove interesting, for a time.
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It would certainly be interesting though. Sometimes. [He stops and starts, allowing his gaze to trail around the cave.]
Sometimes I can't believe where we are and what we're doing. The wonder of it all...I know our mission is serious, but the worlds we go to and all of the things we've seen—it feels like a gift.
How could it not be interesting to journey on?
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It is remarkable. I could not have imagined much of what I have come to see, or know.
（ he does not mourn his own life. he died as he had intended, a plan nearly a decade in the making. he had been living so long only to die.
but he has had experiences now that he is... wistful, perhaps, of having never known in his own world. the night with yennefer, making corndogs with gwen, stargazing with blue, seeing the enterprise with doctor mccoy, or the feeling of finn's nightmares quieting beneath his hand. even jake, who as a dog ought barely register at all to him — is still one who has brought him a certain measure of comfort and peace.
sasuke is never far from his mind. even now, everything he does is for the willful betterment of his brother's life.
but he's built one, perhaps, that does not only hinge on that one singular outcome. ）
I am glad the Ximilia afforded me the chance to meet you, Wei Ying.
（ he is too much an uchiha to take love for granted, even now. ）
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I'm glad for having met you too, Itachi. [His gaze holds and his mouth softens into a smile.]
I don't know if fate's hands stretch this far into the universe. Maybe they don't. Maybe this is the first time our two souls have ever encountered each other. [It's a freeing thought, if he's honest. He doesn't begrudge fate its role, but to be outside of its grasp isn't something he ever thought possible.] What I know is that if I'm born into another life, I'll take a piece of you with me, imprinted on my soul.
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And I, you. Let us hope it does not require death as the precipitating event next time, hm?
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We'll work on that part. [He grins.
If it takes dying to meet you again, I'll happily take my final breath he thinks to himself but doesn't say aloud. There is, he thinks, only so much sentiment either of them can handle.]
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(is it selfish, to want his family there? another life, another world, perhaps even another universe altogether.
is it selfish, to want wei wuxian's family there as well?) ）
Hm. I suppose.
（ a beat. then: ）
There are eighteen beds in the north wing, you know.
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That's a lot of empty beds. [He answers easily, affection threatening to overflow his heart.]
Maybe when you ask Viveca if it's possible, you can ask for both of us.
[Whether it is or not is something they'll figure out later. It only matters that Itachi wants him there and there's nowhere else he'd rather be.]
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（ it is only a consideration, as he said. there are many miles between now and even the possibility of such a thing, and itachi is used to biding his time where his own desires are concerned. but the truth of it is, he can see it. safeguarding the orbs is a worthwhile task. he will fracture the fabric of his world's reality for sasuke's sake, and that timeline will carry on — that boy, that itachi might never waken the mangekyō at all. shisui may not die. the clan may learn humility, and patience, and perhaps one day...
(well, he knows full well that sasuke becomes powerful enough to rival a hokage, doesn't he?)
and it will be him, but it will not be him just the same — because the only choice he could ever have made is the one he chose to make. it is perhaps the only way he can rationalize to himself that a second chance is warranted at all for the boy uchiha itachi.
he does not object to being dead. but while there is useful work yet for him to do, and he so uniquely positioned to do it — how can he do anything else? ）
It would be an interesting life, in any case.
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He doesn't deserve this second chance at life he's been given (however temporary it is) but it has been given, and he isn't going to stand by and let it pass by without holding onto every moment. If he can travel the stars for a while longer with Itachi, then he'll travel the stars.]
Another adventure, hmm? [His eyes drift upwards again and he smiles softly to himself.]
When I was young I made an oath to myself to uphold justice—real justice—and help those in need. I think...it'd be good to have a chance to do that before I go.
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（ wei wuxian saw a cruel world, and thought only of how to fix it. there had never been a moment's concern for how he might bleed for it, how deeply the fixing may cut. ）
But you have already been doing that, well before I met you. There can be a point where you have given enough, you know.
（ his tone is gentle, and there is no judgment in it. perhaps he simply wants the man to make the choice for himself, because he deserves the opportunity to see the beauty and the wonder in the universe, not because there is some duty waiting for him that lurks beyond the veil of stars. ）
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I certainly tried. [He admits after a long moment, his voice soft and a little melancholy.]
...it's hard to see it that way when I failed so spectacularly. I don't mean to gather pity with that, it's true. I wanted to do right by the world, but in the end, I caused more harm and the Wen still died. [A beat.]
Well, almost all of them. [And his smile softens.] It still feels unreal that a-Yuan lived, even now that he's here. Maybe I did a little good, hmm? Despite all of my blundering.
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fellas is it gay to sit six feet apart from your best friend in a hot tub nakedsome distance apart from one another, but itachi does slip closer, puts one hand on wei wuxian's shoulder and with the other hand curls his fingers beneath the man's chin and tips it up. ）The hardest thing to do in the world is to try and leave it a better place than you found it. How many thousands of others with power and means well beyond your own never even tried? Failure is irrelevant. You gave all that anyone could have asked of you. That it was not enough is a burden of the mind, not the spirit.
（ he gives the man a pointed look, and then lets his hand drop away. ）
One life was saved. That is everything.
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He huffs quietly, ignoring the way his pulse jumps in his veins.]
Maybe. [He admits, and it's progress even if it doesn't sound like it. The look he gives Itachi isn't quite a smile, but the warmth of affection is undeniable. Maybe one day he'll see his life the way Itachi does, and until then he's glad to have his friend's reassurances.]
Either way I'd like to continue and not just for that. My parents were wanderers and I always wanted to be too. It's in my blood to explore, I just never though it would be on such a grand scale.
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Do you know much of what they were like?
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I know almost nothing. I know my father, Wei Changze, was a commoner who rose to be Jiang Fengmian's right hand disciple. I've told you about my mother before, haven't I? That she was the disciple of an immortal cultivator? [He's sure he has but even if he hasn't, that's not what Itachi asked. He asked what they were like.]
People say I'm like her. [His smile warms.] That she was mischievous and always questioning things, just like me. My father was...soft spoken, from what I've heard. Quiet, but not shy. Warm.
And they loved each other very much. That I know. [He turns his smile to the water.]
I don't remember them. I was so young when they were killed on a nighthunt. But...I have a single memory. Barely a memory at that, it's more a feeling. [He pauses to lift his head, his eyes fixed on a point in the distance.]
We were on the road. My mother and I were riding a donkey. She had her arms around me, and my father...he was leading the donkey by the reins. I don't remember their faces, but they were happy. Smiling at each other, and laughing. I only remember...I remember feeling safe. I remember feeling loved.
[He blinks himself out of his reverie and smiles sheepishly.] Sorry, that wasn't exactly what you asked. [He lets out a soft laugh.]
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I am （ one of his faint pauses, as he casts about for an appropriate word. ultimately, he settles on one that is simplistic in its conveyance, and boundless in its care — ） gladdened, that you have that. I only wish you had more.
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It's alright. It's enough. I had a loving family once and that's so much. [It's so much more than what so many others have.] And I love my siblings. I can't imagine a life without them. [For all the bad, for all the dysfunction and pain, he won't ever think of himself as anything but lucky to have lived with the Jiangs.]
Who knows, maybe I'll meet them again in another life. Maybe I'll even be theirs again. [he chuckles lightly.] Who can say?
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