（ even if you are ultimately wrong, exercising the mind can open new avenues of thought. it is imperative, therefore, to think things through and to continue doing so even when all hope seems lost. ）
（ easier to say what isn't on his mind — itachi has always been a man of deep interiority, who prefers to think rather than speak, to be alone rather than with company. the close quarters of the ximilia make that difficult. he does not feel exactly like a prisoner aboard the ship, yet it resembles a prison regardless — but the weight of that imprisonment is easily borne out alongside resolve.
reality is only ever what you perceive it to be, after all. and he knows more than most how those perceptions can be altered.
but, ah... the question. he hadn't intended that they immediately dive into a targeted discussion on another matter — merely that they let the other lay for now.
he'd rather hoped that blue would provide a topic. ）
Hm.
（ for a handspan of heartbeats that seems like it may be his only answer, that soft, neutral noise. then: ）
What was your favourite of these 'Christmas' traditions?
（ it's an entirely frivolous question. it can't possibly serve a deeper purpose than curiosity — and thus, is rather unusual for him. ）
Edited (stop letting me type words) 2021-12-19 22:11 (UTC)
[Blue's eyebrows raise a bit because...it just doesn't seem to be anything of note or interest to the person Itachi exudes or intends to be. far be it from Blue to question it.
so he gives it some genuine thought.]
I've managed to experience...a handful of new things. [snowmen, the scenery, a kiss...gosh, Blue's out here having a Hallmark Christmas without the drab lighting!] But what was familiar...was what I think I like the most. The feelings when...everyone sat and ate together...
Perhaps that isn't surprising...coming from an empath. But it's still nice.
（ it does have an effect, doesn't it? he can only imagine it would be considerably moreso, for a psionic. even itachi is not... unaffected by the goodwill and camaraderie of those assembled, even if he is not strictly one to partake of it. ）
No.
（ it isn't surprising at all. ）
It was thoughtful of people to work so diligently to bring everyone together. Even if not all of us are inclined to celebrate this occasion.
（ he leans against the window, enjoying the cool touch of the glass. the medication bones has given him has resulted in an abatement of the perpetual fever he runs, and as a result his tolerance of temperature changes has increased considerably. ）
It's human nature to seek out bonds. I suppose the same is likely true for the Mu as well?
（ his attention tracks to blue's reflection in the glass. ）
What happened in Ganymede?
（ this may seem unrelated, but it isn't exactly — he has understood and put away most things that blue has divulged about the mu, except this. what blue said about ganymede has stayed with him. ）
[Blue's expression grows grave, quietly startled by the sudden pivot. eyes widen and then soften with sorrow. silence creeps in as his eyes flick downward and then to the window.
（ he is aware that this is a discomfiting line of conversation. perhaps all too aware. some things never leave you, and surviving any upheaval... there is a stain on the psyche. he would call it survivor's guilt, if he knew the term — yet to him it has only ever been shame. ）
Fourteen? Fifteen? [his head shakes a little, his gaze far, far away now.] I'll never know...for certain. All the memories before that lab room...gone. I've never been able to recover anything...anything except those scripted...standard messages the computers conditioned everyone to remember.
（ so, then, the version of blue he met in that very first dream must have been the one for whom ganymede was still fresh. a few things slot into perspective the way pieces of a puzzle begin to resemble a picture when enough are laid in sequence.
he has managed so far, mostly, to avoid feeling... protective of others here. he knows it to be his downfall, that urge to stand between those he knows and danger. he does not care for blue, not exactly — but there is something. he is drawn to him, inescapably, the way uchiha are drawn to hatred and power.
and yet —
something alights in him like a raven taking wing — sorrow and grief and understanding that yawns like a bottomless well. ）
Does it trouble you, that you have no memories of that time?
[there it is - that resonance again. Itachi guards himself well, but some things go beyond walls and restraint. to Blue, it's like trying to keep one's eyes closed and sleep in the bright sunlight - the sun's still there, and it's not truly dark.]
（ those words may as well cleave him to the core. his body goes taut in an instinctive expectation of physical pain — faint rigidity crawling up his spine and across his shoulders. it's barely perceptible (after all, pain is nothing to him) but present nonetheless, and it isn't until he disentangles the fact that it is only emotional hurt that claws at him that he exhales faintly and shifts, putting his back to the glass. ）
[Blue's never carried a knife as a weapon; his blades are the unseen needles and skewers of a psionic power that mankind fears - that he feared, too. even so, he knows what pain feels like, inside and outside.
it pulls his eyes away from the glass and over to Itachi's. this man...keeps trying to be a monolith of his own making and circumstance, but his humanity still makes him resonate. connect. even if it hurts.
...perhaps especially when it hurts.]
Pain changes...just the way everything else does...as time passes. But what does that mean...in the moment you're in right now?
（ compared to you, our pain will be over in an instant. his father had known then what he would carry, and had still called him kind at the end even as he lifted the sword.
he does not regret what he did. he did not have a choice. he was too young and too called to heel by danzō to have realized there could have ever been another path. he left his cousins, his aunts, his uncles, distant relations to whom he had never spoken dead in the streets and he would do it again if he felt it necessary to keep the peace.
but if his time on the ximilia bears fruit... it may never become necessary at all.
he feels blue's eyes on him, and for once he has no driving urge to meet his gaze. he simply tips his head against the glass, focused on the overhead panels. it is not melancholy that seizes him and settles in the soul, but weariness. ）
[that statement, too...it may not be a troublesome concept to accept anymore, but it's quite sad. acknowledging that changes little about it, but...]
When you survive long enough... You can find that there's...a means to live still. But...it doesn't happen alone. [a slight pause.] Rather, it...didn't, for me.
I survived the fires of Ganymede...the fires I ignited...because I had a reason to.
does it surprise him, to learn that blue had lit those fires? no more than he expects it would surprise blue to learn that itachi slaughtered his family to a man. ）
[and for Itachi...Shisui, perhaps? Blue can only guess; anything that may rise to the surface to be perceived is muddied in shadow - like forms just under the water in the dark of night, obscured by dappled reflections of firelight.
silence settles in for a bit, their constant companion. but Blue doesn't give them command for long.]
Humans...must be quicker about it. Their pain...changing...as fast as they must.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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（ even if you are ultimately wrong, exercising the mind can open new avenues of thought. it is imperative, therefore, to think things through and to continue doing so even when all hope seems lost. ）
But let us speak on other things.
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What's on your mind, then? [because he's not looking, like a polite person.]
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reality is only ever what you perceive it to be, after all. and he knows more than most how those perceptions can be altered.
but, ah... the question. he hadn't intended that they immediately dive into a targeted discussion on another matter — merely that they let the other lay for now.
he'd rather hoped that blue would provide a topic. ）
Hm.
（ for a handspan of heartbeats that seems like it may be his only answer, that soft, neutral noise. then: ）
What was your favourite of these 'Christmas' traditions?
（ it's an entirely frivolous question. it can't possibly serve a deeper purpose than curiosity — and thus, is rather unusual for him. ）
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so he gives it some genuine thought.]
I've managed to experience...a handful of new things. [snowmen, the scenery, a kiss...gosh, Blue's out here having a Hallmark Christmas without the drab lighting!] But what was familiar...was what I think I like the most. The feelings when...everyone sat and ate together...
Perhaps that isn't surprising...coming from an empath. But it's still nice.
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No.
（ it isn't surprising at all. ）
It was thoughtful of people to work so diligently to bring everyone together. Even if not all of us are inclined to celebrate this occasion.
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It's meaningful...that everyone here is willing to grow so close...despite such different worlds, upbringings...goals.
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It's human nature to seek out bonds. I suppose the same is likely true for the Mu as well?
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Mu are born from mankind; it's only natural.
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（ don't you sass him. ）
I meant more due to the nature of psionic abilities.
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Mm, I think...those senses only build on what's already there. What's inherent in both humans and Mu.
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What happened in Ganymede?
（ this may seem unrelated, but it isn't exactly — he has understood and put away most things that blue has divulged about the mu, except this. what blue said about ganymede has stayed with him. ）
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eventually:] ...Terrible things.
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（ blue had asked him the very same thing, once. it had occurred to him then it may be a matter of personal experience. ）
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That didn't start...until after Ganymede. After we fled. Those of us who survived.
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How old were you then?
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he has managed so far, mostly, to avoid feeling... protective of others here. he knows it to be his downfall, that urge to stand between those he knows and danger. he does not care for blue, not exactly — but there is something. he is drawn to him, inescapably, the way uchiha are drawn to hatred and power.
and yet —
something alights in him like a raven taking wing — sorrow and grief and understanding that yawns like a bottomless well. ）
Does it trouble you, that you have no memories of that time?
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Not anymore. It can't. It's...been too long.
It isn't troubling anymore. It's just...sad.
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The perspective of a long life, I suppose.
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it pulls his eyes away from the glass and over to Itachi's. this man...keeps trying to be a monolith of his own making and circumstance, but his humanity still makes him resonate. connect. even if it hurts.
...perhaps especially when it hurts.]
Pain changes...just the way everything else does...as time passes. But what does that mean...in the moment you're in right now?
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he does not regret what he did. he did not have a choice. he was too young and too called to heel by danzō to have realized there could have ever been another path. he left his cousins, his aunts, his uncles, distant relations to whom he had never spoken dead in the streets and he would do it again if he felt it necessary to keep the peace.
but if his time on the ximilia bears fruit... it may never become necessary at all.
he feels blue's eyes on him, and for once he has no driving urge to meet his gaze. he simply tips his head against the glass, focused on the overhead panels. it is not melancholy that seizes him and settles in the soul, but weariness. ）
It means you have something to survive.
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When you survive long enough... You can find that there's...a means to live still. But...it doesn't happen alone. [a slight pause.] Rather, it...didn't, for me.
I survived the fires of Ganymede...the fires I ignited...because I had a reason to.
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（ his brother.
does it surprise him, to learn that blue had lit those fires? no more than he expects it would surprise blue to learn that itachi slaughtered his family to a man. ）
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[and for Itachi...Shisui, perhaps? Blue can only guess; anything that may rise to the surface to be perceived is muddied in shadow - like forms just under the water in the dark of night, obscured by dappled reflections of firelight.
silence settles in for a bit, their constant companion. but Blue doesn't give them command for long.]
Humans...must be quicker about it. Their pain...changing...as fast as they must.
Your time is shorter.
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It must all seem very petty to you.
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