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[blackfire]

// うちは

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XIMILIA

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[firstroar]

She conveys sincerity. It may as well be true as far as she knows.
For now, there is little to argue with, since I don't have the means to defy her myself.

[blackfire]

Then we will look for an opportunity on the next mission.

[firstroar]

Yes, I wish to make the effort to try.

[blackfire]

Does the possibility of your safety being compromised not concern you?

[firstroar]

It does, but I would rather take the risk than subject another to it. Whatever information I can share with those stronger than I is meaningful, especially to those who are more determined to change their fates than I.

[blackfire]

（ he has lived his life by the guiding principle that he alone had the power and the will to advance his beliefs and his ideals. that if there was some ill thing to be endured, he should be the one to endure it. he accepted burdens that, as an adult, he recognizes should never have been placed on the shoulders of a child.

and he hears an echo of that man, subsumed by guilt and duty, in what blue says.

he does not reply immediately. the words require — reflection. he is bound to and by his past, and its excision is neither easy nor immediate. but eventually: ）

Some things should not be borne alone.

[firstroar]

True enough - this place is built on that notion, isn't it.
And you did say I could ask for your aid once again, yes?

[blackfire]

Should you have need of it.

[firstroar]

I very likely shall. All the psionic power I may have left will be of no use if I cannot reach where I must be.

[blackfire]

（ that is... an oddly ominous statement, if he is to unpack it. ）

Is it a finite resource?

[firstroar]

As finite as I am. It is an extension of myself, just as my eyes or limbs are.

[blackfire]

（ hm. ）

Your condition is deteriorating, isn't it?

（ from one terminally ill motherfucker to another. ）

[firstroar]

Yes.
I was meant to die before I came here. I had already expunged most of my power moments before. Had Sabriel not found me as swiftly as she had, I very well may have done so right then and there.

[blackfire]

How many are aware of this?

[firstroar]

[there's a pause so Blue can give it some thought.]

I don't know how explicitly I have spoken of it until now. It seemed obvious to those who have had to help me.
But perhaps not. [goddamn humans and their goddamn flippy-floppy levels of insight]

[blackfire]

（ he knew something was Up but attributed it to, idk, maybe the mu are just frail babies??? ）

A great many humans prefer denial to cold reality.

You have strong bonds here. I do not think any of them would be pleased to lose you.

[firstroar]

I don't want to lose them, either.
But I don't think there is much that can stop that.
Something in my being wished me to be here, to address the regrets of my life...do I simply set that aside for my own safety?
It's a question I must continue to seek the answer to while also trying to help those I have come to care very much for.

[blackfire]

Speak with the Doctor.

（ hopefully he does not have to specify......... which one... ）

Your regret will be irrelevant if you do not live to see it changed.

[firstroar]

[smashing x to doubt in rapid succession because what is there even to doooo that isn't invasive mechanical stuff!!!!]

I can do that. [for all the good it'll do!!!!!]

[blackfire]

（ hey, at least he's not a hypocrite. ）

Do.

You are a valuable resource. Regardless of the effect it would have on the crew's morale, the loss of your skills would make it difficult to proceed with our mission.

[firstroar]

You sound more rational than Viveca was.

[blackfire]

Being able to set aside one's emotions is not always a strength.

（ it's his usual deflection from anything that seems like it may be complimentary. itachi can rationalize that he is pragmatic and ruthless and altogether capable of functioning with no more mercy in his soul than any machine, and yet — it is a double-edged knife, and it has gotten him here. ）

[firstroar]

Someone like myself wouldn't really know how to do that, I think.

[blackfire]

No.

I imagine you are more in danger of being overwhelmed by them than the reverse.

[firstroar]

My threshold is significantly higher than most because of it, and so far the collective emotional vibrations on this vessel are something I can handle. [he says, days before getting nuked by precursor brain goblins.]