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[blackfire]

// うちは

TEXT • AUDIO • VIDEO • ACTION

XIMILIA

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[blackfire]

（ he's doing nothing else so interesting as sitting on his neatly-folded blankets on the floor in a sort of homemade futon, leaning back against a series of artfully stacked pillows. he had not expected blue quite so soon afterwards, and one hand twitches faintly, a seal to disarm the seal he has set on the door before he troubles himself to answer: ）

Yes.

[firstroar]

[so he does: carefully passing through the door with a hand on the frame for support, a small box held close to himself in another hand.

he's not looking so great, but hahahaaaaa it's fine there are worse things to test new eyeballs on.]

Did...your procedure go well? [he imagines so, but he also imagines Itachi wouldn't really extend that information freely, so he may as well ask.]

[blackfire]

I have no indication it has gone otherwise. I am healing quickly.

（ one hand reaches up to touch the bandages gingerly, smoothing out a crease where the gauze has wrinkled, and then he lowers his hand again. ）

I am being regularly assessed. The bandages will be removed in four days if all is well.

[firstroar]

[slowly, Blue shuffles his way from the now-closed door to put a hand on the bedframe and set himself down at the edge of it. no floor-sitting for this Mu - not really worth the struggle of getting back up.]

I'm relieved...

[he holds out the little box, lightly tapping the top as an audio cue of where it is.]

I brought you this. Not very much, because...I did not want to bring an excess...to burden you.

[also cooking this much was a struggle.]

[blackfire]

（ he reaches out to take the box with none of the uncertainty or hesitance that a man only newly blind would not have, and then reaches to put it on the desk behind him. ）

I apologize, I do not have much appetite at the moment.

（ he has obediently taken the medical cocktail mccoy has given him, and one of the side-effects is just enough nausea he has no interest in food. ）

But I appreciate your coming.

[firstroar]

[mildly:] It's alright. If you do decide to try them later...and you find them too poorly made, I won't be offended. My experience in preparing dishes for myself...is still very minimal, after all. And I couldn't taste-test.

[basically: don't get food poisoning on his account, even if that's unlikely from the world's most bland dango.]

[blackfire]

I doubt they are inedible.

（ ninja food on missions... not great. ）

How are you faring?

[firstroar]

[after a pause:] ...The stability of this place...helps. I still can't...predict when it happens. When my sense will fail. But...it seems to vanish for...predictable lengths of time.

[blackfire]

Do you expect it will persist when we are next deployed?

（ regardless of sentiment, his first thought is always for functionality. for the mission. ）

[firstroar]

Yes.

According to Viveca...it was the price that had to be paid.

[blackfire]

At least we are aware of such a possibility going forwards.

（ the pragmatist in him wonders if sabriel should have left him dead. but he is... glad that she did not. ）

There may be a pattern to the 'when' that you aren't seeing yet. Please keep track and let me know.

[firstroar]

[his mouth quirks, unseen.]

I will try. But there is...a very real chance that whatever I can do now...will mean very little. And it will become a matter of...keeping from holding you and everyone back.

[he's not the only one who wonders if Sabriel should've left him dead.]

[blackfire]

（ he shrugs. ）

Your value does not only lie in that. You have as much right to be here as any of us do — you will find another way to contribute.

[firstroar]

[a soft sound.]

Others...would say so, too. [so he hopes it's true.] For now...trying to harbor power, to stabilize...that's been my effort.

[blackfire]

I'm sorry.

（ for the difficulty. for the cost. ）

Have you conferred with Sabriel-san since our return?

[firstroar]

Not yet. But now that I can...move from the infirmary...I mean to see her. I need to know...if she had a cost of her own.

[blackfire]

Given that it was her choice and not yours, I find it unlikely she would have escaped the consequences. It is possible her price is even steeper than your own.

（ the orbs are cruel and capricious. they want to take, and take, and take — and he suspects that they would not spare anyone who slighted them. ）

[firstroar]

[a dreadful notion, one that carves a heavy pit in his stomach.]

Have you...spoken to her? Since returning.

[blackfire]

No.

（ his tendency, when ill and at his most vulnerable, is to withdraw from all connection. he has not deliberately spoken to anyone who is not essential to his surgery. in this, he has been selfish. ）

[firstroar]

[more's the reason to worry about her; she'd be the one reaching out, after all.

hm...]

I'll reach out to her. And find out.

[blackfire]

（ he makes a soft sound of affirmation, and then: ）

Do you regret it?

[firstroar]

If I've done her some long-lasting harm... [he exhales.] I'll regret that.

[blackfire]

If long-lasting harm has come to her, it is her own doing. You did not ask for resurrection. What she did was foolish and rash and wholly of her own volition. Do not take responsibility for her actions.

（ his tone is perhaps a little sharp. ）

[firstroar]

I can still lament the role I played in that choice, Itachi. It may change nothing...but even so...

[even so, he can't force himself to feel differently, right or wrong.]

[blackfire]

Of course. Your feelings are your own.

（ guess who has a lot of feelings about being at fault or not for things? this boy, yeah. ）

But it is still not your fault.