[Blue closes his eyes, bringing the peculiar man's face to mind. he was neither human nor Mu - a rare encounter, even now, given how little mobility he has for interaction.]
He came with us to that castle...and never returned. And...nothing more was said of him. Only the cold speculation of a machine.
（ he had heard the name — perhaps in passing — but had no face to associate it with. however, given the nature of the sharingan it was easy to recall the faces that accompanied them to the castle and did not return. he cannot guess which of them was syrlyra, but — ）
Were you close enough you would have recognized this shift in resolve?
Edited (i don't even fucking know what i was trying to say i was eating a sandwich it bewitched me) 2021-12-19 04:28 (UTC)
（ will you fucking stop intruding on people's dreams, blue? will you stop?? ain't you tired???
yet, it doesn't surprise him to learn that blue would be... sorrowful about such a loss. he's a kind man, and he wears his sense of empathy on his sleeve. ）
Perhaps he decided he no longer wished to change his regret. Or that the cost was not worth it.
（ he is, but once he has set his mind to something he has always, always followed through. no matter the cost, no matter the course. he does not lack for will. ）
But it is a remarkable offer. It is easy to see why people from all walks of life have been drawn here.
[Blue doesn't respond right away, considering it. considering the company they're keeping here. from Sabriel's doggedness to unravel the mysteries of the orbs to Jim's suspicion of the effect all of this will have...]
There may be a more subconscious aspect to all of this. But speculating on it...may be fruitless.
（ even if you are ultimately wrong, exercising the mind can open new avenues of thought. it is imperative, therefore, to think things through and to continue doing so even when all hope seems lost. ）
（ easier to say what isn't on his mind — itachi has always been a man of deep interiority, who prefers to think rather than speak, to be alone rather than with company. the close quarters of the ximilia make that difficult. he does not feel exactly like a prisoner aboard the ship, yet it resembles a prison regardless — but the weight of that imprisonment is easily borne out alongside resolve.
reality is only ever what you perceive it to be, after all. and he knows more than most how those perceptions can be altered.
but, ah... the question. he hadn't intended that they immediately dive into a targeted discussion on another matter — merely that they let the other lay for now.
he'd rather hoped that blue would provide a topic. ）
Hm.
（ for a handspan of heartbeats that seems like it may be his only answer, that soft, neutral noise. then: ）
What was your favourite of these 'Christmas' traditions?
（ it's an entirely frivolous question. it can't possibly serve a deeper purpose than curiosity — and thus, is rather unusual for him. ）
Edited (stop letting me type words) 2021-12-19 22:11 (UTC)
[Blue's eyebrows raise a bit because...it just doesn't seem to be anything of note or interest to the person Itachi exudes or intends to be. far be it from Blue to question it.
so he gives it some genuine thought.]
I've managed to experience...a handful of new things. [snowmen, the scenery, a kiss...gosh, Blue's out here having a Hallmark Christmas without the drab lighting!] But what was familiar...was what I think I like the most. The feelings when...everyone sat and ate together...
Perhaps that isn't surprising...coming from an empath. But it's still nice.
（ it does have an effect, doesn't it? he can only imagine it would be considerably moreso, for a psionic. even itachi is not... unaffected by the goodwill and camaraderie of those assembled, even if he is not strictly one to partake of it. ）
No.
（ it isn't surprising at all. ）
It was thoughtful of people to work so diligently to bring everyone together. Even if not all of us are inclined to celebrate this occasion.
（ he leans against the window, enjoying the cool touch of the glass. the medication bones has given him has resulted in an abatement of the perpetual fever he runs, and as a result his tolerance of temperature changes has increased considerably. ）
It's human nature to seek out bonds. I suppose the same is likely true for the Mu as well?
（ his attention tracks to blue's reflection in the glass. ）
What happened in Ganymede?
（ this may seem unrelated, but it isn't exactly — he has understood and put away most things that blue has divulged about the mu, except this. what blue said about ganymede has stayed with him. ）
[Blue's expression grows grave, quietly startled by the sudden pivot. eyes widen and then soften with sorrow. silence creeps in as his eyes flick downward and then to the window.
（ he is aware that this is a discomfiting line of conversation. perhaps all too aware. some things never leave you, and surviving any upheaval... there is a stain on the psyche. he would call it survivor's guilt, if he knew the term — yet to him it has only ever been shame. ）
Fourteen? Fifteen? [his head shakes a little, his gaze far, far away now.] I'll never know...for certain. All the memories before that lab room...gone. I've never been able to recover anything...anything except those scripted...standard messages the computers conditioned everyone to remember.
（ so, then, the version of blue he met in that very first dream must have been the one for whom ganymede was still fresh. a few things slot into perspective the way pieces of a puzzle begin to resemble a picture when enough are laid in sequence.
he has managed so far, mostly, to avoid feeling... protective of others here. he knows it to be his downfall, that urge to stand between those he knows and danger. he does not care for blue, not exactly — but there is something. he is drawn to him, inescapably, the way uchiha are drawn to hatred and power.
and yet —
something alights in him like a raven taking wing — sorrow and grief and understanding that yawns like a bottomless well. ）
Does it trouble you, that you have no memories of that time?
[there it is - that resonance again. Itachi guards himself well, but some things go beyond walls and restraint. to Blue, it's like trying to keep one's eyes closed and sleep in the bright sunlight - the sun's still there, and it's not truly dark.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[Blue closes his eyes, bringing the peculiar man's face to mind. he was neither human nor Mu - a rare encounter, even now, given how little mobility he has for interaction.]
He came with us to that castle...and never returned. And...nothing more was said of him. Only the cold speculation of a machine.
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Were you close enough you would have recognized this shift in resolve?
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yet, it doesn't surprise him to learn that blue would be... sorrowful about such a loss. he's a kind man, and he wears his sense of empathy on his sleeve. ）
Perhaps he decided he no longer wished to change his regret. Or that the cost was not worth it.
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Perhaps. But he is not the only one...whose resolve is not so ironclad around regret.
[and nO he's not talking abt other people HE'S TALKING ABOUT HIMSELF AND HE'S STILL HERE. SUBJECTING HIMSELF TO U]
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No. I imagine not.
（ he is, but once he has set his mind to something he has always, always followed through. no matter the cost, no matter the course. he does not lack for will. ）
But it is a remarkable offer. It is easy to see why people from all walks of life have been drawn here.
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There may be a more subconscious aspect to all of this. But speculating on it...may be fruitless.
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（ even if you are ultimately wrong, exercising the mind can open new avenues of thought. it is imperative, therefore, to think things through and to continue doing so even when all hope seems lost. ）
But let us speak on other things.
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What's on your mind, then? [because he's not looking, like a polite person.]
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reality is only ever what you perceive it to be, after all. and he knows more than most how those perceptions can be altered.
but, ah... the question. he hadn't intended that they immediately dive into a targeted discussion on another matter — merely that they let the other lay for now.
he'd rather hoped that blue would provide a topic. ）
Hm.
（ for a handspan of heartbeats that seems like it may be his only answer, that soft, neutral noise. then: ）
What was your favourite of these 'Christmas' traditions?
（ it's an entirely frivolous question. it can't possibly serve a deeper purpose than curiosity — and thus, is rather unusual for him. ）
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so he gives it some genuine thought.]
I've managed to experience...a handful of new things. [snowmen, the scenery, a kiss...gosh, Blue's out here having a Hallmark Christmas without the drab lighting!] But what was familiar...was what I think I like the most. The feelings when...everyone sat and ate together...
Perhaps that isn't surprising...coming from an empath. But it's still nice.
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No.
（ it isn't surprising at all. ）
It was thoughtful of people to work so diligently to bring everyone together. Even if not all of us are inclined to celebrate this occasion.
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It's meaningful...that everyone here is willing to grow so close...despite such different worlds, upbringings...goals.
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It's human nature to seek out bonds. I suppose the same is likely true for the Mu as well?
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Mu are born from mankind; it's only natural.
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（ don't you sass him. ）
I meant more due to the nature of psionic abilities.
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Mm, I think...those senses only build on what's already there. What's inherent in both humans and Mu.
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What happened in Ganymede?
（ this may seem unrelated, but it isn't exactly — he has understood and put away most things that blue has divulged about the mu, except this. what blue said about ganymede has stayed with him. ）
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eventually:] ...Terrible things.
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（ blue had asked him the very same thing, once. it had occurred to him then it may be a matter of personal experience. ）
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That didn't start...until after Ganymede. After we fled. Those of us who survived.
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How old were you then?
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he has managed so far, mostly, to avoid feeling... protective of others here. he knows it to be his downfall, that urge to stand between those he knows and danger. he does not care for blue, not exactly — but there is something. he is drawn to him, inescapably, the way uchiha are drawn to hatred and power.
and yet —
something alights in him like a raven taking wing — sorrow and grief and understanding that yawns like a bottomless well. ）
Does it trouble you, that you have no memories of that time?
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Not anymore. It can't. It's...been too long.
It isn't troubling anymore. It's just...sad.
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