["A documentary on tactics" is a weird way to describe SpongeBob, but sure.]
Why not? They’re fun and it’s not like there’s anything more important going on right now. Plus, you wear pajamas with the main character on them, so now you will be able to understand the reference.
[Which she actually does realize is not something he has ever expressed interest in, but still it won’t hurt him to be enlightened. Probably.]
（ goodness you like that word a lot. fun. he finally reaches out and takes the tray from her, since he isn't entirely sure how much he trusts her balance — and then he keys the door open with a command from his ear piece. ）
[She does like the word fun, actually. It is something she's had precious little of in her life and so she tends to seize opportunities for it when she gets the chance. She feels like Itachi hasn't had much fun in his life, either though he has probably decided that he doesn't care about it. She’s just not sure that means he shouldn't be given opportunities to experience it.
Also her balance is excellent, thank you very much. For someone who can't cheat with sticky chakra feet, anyway.
She lets him take the tray without protest, though.]
Yes, sir.
[She's just gonna head into the simulation room and set it up to look like a movie theater. Might as well have the full experience, you know.]
（ thanks, he hates everything about how this is set up. their back??? to the door??? yelena this is how people DIE.
but he doesn't protest, at least not actively, and he diligently sits down once the simulation has built out. probably a few seats down from yelena because his personal space bubble is. not inconsiderable. he does set the tray down between them, at least, so it's not entirely useless space. ）
（ so, she asked viveca for something on his clear behalf, with no more indication that he would like it than the fact he has a shirt with the titular character emblazoned across it. he didn't know it was possible to be both oddly touched and deeply annoyed at once.
but, there a few of those bird nest candies on the tray, so he takes one gingerly. ）
It’s…it’s a SpongeBob movie. The first one specifically. But it’s SpongeBob. It’s a cartoon for kids. Probably not really Itachi’s thing. Like at all. But at least there’s candy?]
he does not like the opening refrain. he does not like the way they frame a customer's order being wrong as being analogous in any way to a hostage situation. the frivolity and irreverence of it are deeply irritating, and his mouth is a thin line for the entirety of the movie's duration. he does not move, nor reach for any more of the candy or drinks. just does as he'd told yelena he would, watches it, and as the final credits roll through: ）
I fail to see why the defining characteristics of his pants merit it being a surname.
[Truth be told, this is the first time Yelena has ever really watched SpongeBob, herself. This wasn’t among the cartoons they were shown in the Red Room. Not enough propaganda here. She kind of likes it, though. Sure, it's dumb. But it’s goofy and lighthearted, which is kind of nice after the last mission and her little trip home. And she is part of the generation the show was aimed at, even if she missed it during her childhood. Seeing it now feels a little like capturing a piece of what was lost for a moment.
She can tell Itachi is unimpressed. She’s honestly not surprised by that, but she appreciates him seeing it through.]
Actually, that’s a good point. What if someone in his family doesn’t wear pants.
[She takes a moment to think about that. She decides to be honest about it rather than blowing it off, since he was nice enough to watch a whole SpongeBob movie.]
I am still figuring it out. We didn't have a lot of free access to movies in the Red Room, so I have about twenty years to catch up on. Plus five more thanks to a purple alien deleting half of existence for five years.
[Fuck Thanos, tbh.]
I still like some of the things from my childhood, I think. Disney movies and...oh! The Princess Bride. Newt held a viewing of that awhile back, but it was before you arrived.
[This isn't her area of expertise, so she struggles for a moment to find the right way to explain.]
Well, I guess they are a little like the orbs. Powerful relics that were scattered through the universe. Even individually they are very strong, but if someone brings them all together they become unstoppable. They can do anything. Like wiping out half of all life in the universe.
Well, I never spoke with him myself. But apparently, he thought there were too many people in the universe and we were all stretching its resources too thin.
[She makes a face because it really does sound absurdly excessive when she says it out loud. She huffs.]
（ most wars in the shinobi world are fought over resources, or revenge. he understands it in that respect — but then, the universe is an infinite place, expanding ever outward. ）
While it is a possibility that the universe will eventually reach a point where its resources are unable to sustain its population, that seems... short-sighted.
（ this man will tell thanos he's a dumbass to his actual face, tbqh. ）
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[It's not like there’s a lot to do between missions ok.]
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（ so he just. goes.
she'll find him waiting patiently outside the door to the simulation room, not seeming particularly bothered or fussed in any respect. ）
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[She shows up a few minutes after him with a tray full of goodies like popcorn and soda and whopper candies and sour patch kids.]
We are going to watch a movie.
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Why?
（ what is the point. is it a documentary on tactics? ）
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Why not? They’re fun and it’s not like there’s anything more important going on right now. Plus, you wear pajamas with the main character on them, so now you will be able to understand the reference.
[Which she actually does realize is not something he has ever expressed interest in, but still it won’t hurt him to be enlightened. Probably.]
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Do you expect I have any need or desire to understand the reference?
（ this is not rhetorical. he is genuinely confused. ）
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No, but I thought it would be fun, anyway.
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You have an hour of my time.
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Also her balance is excellent, thank you very much. For someone who can't cheat with sticky chakra feet, anyway.
She lets him take the tray without protest, though.]
Yes, sir.
[She's just gonna head into the simulation room and set it up to look like a movie theater. Might as well have the full experience, you know.]
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but he doesn't protest, at least not actively, and he diligently sits down once the simulation has built out. probably a few seats down from yelena because his personal space bubble is. not inconsiderable. he does set the tray down between them, at least, so it's not entirely useless space. ）
Did you ask Viveca-san for this?
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She makes herself comfortable and grabs a soda from the tray.]
Yes, I did.
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I see.
（ so, she asked viveca for something on his clear behalf, with no more indication that he would like it than the fact he has a shirt with the titular character emblazoned across it. he didn't know it was possible to be both oddly touched and deeply annoyed at once.
but, there a few of those bird nest candies on the tray, so he takes one gingerly. ）
Then, begin.
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As you wish.
[And so the movie starts.
It’s…it’s a SpongeBob movie. The first one specifically. But it’s SpongeBob. It’s a cartoon for kids. Probably not really Itachi’s thing. Like at all. But at least there’s candy?]
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he does not like the opening refrain. he does not like the way they frame a customer's order being wrong as being analogous in any way to a hostage situation. the frivolity and irreverence of it are deeply irritating, and his mouth is a thin line for the entirety of the movie's duration. he does not move, nor reach for any more of the candy or drinks. just does as he'd told yelena he would, watches it, and as the final credits roll through: ）
I fail to see why the defining characteristics of his pants merit it being a surname.
（ yes. his takeaway. ）
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She can tell Itachi is unimpressed. She’s honestly not surprised by that, but she appreciates him seeing it through.]
Actually, that’s a good point. What if someone in his family doesn’t wear pants.
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he makes a soft sound, and shakes his head. ）
Is this how people bond in your world, Yelena-san?
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[She shrugs, but then after a moment of thought she adds:]
Although, usually people decide on a movie they would both enjoy. Or that the entire group would enjoy, if there are more than two.
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（ do not say fucking spongebob, yelena. ）
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I am still figuring it out. We didn't have a lot of free access to movies in the Red Room, so I have about twenty years to catch up on. Plus five more thanks to a purple alien deleting half of existence for five years.
[Fuck Thanos, tbh.]
I still like some of the things from my childhood, I think. Disney movies and...oh! The Princess Bride. Newt held a viewing of that awhile back, but it was before you arrived.
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'Deleted half of existence'? How was this done?
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[This isn't her area of expertise, so she struggles for a moment to find the right way to explain.]
Well, I guess they are a little like the orbs. Powerful relics that were scattered through the universe. Even individually they are very strong, but if someone brings them all together they become unstoppable. They can do anything. Like wiping out half of all life in the universe.
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Why?
（ that seems excessive. for any possible reason except chaos and suffering. ）
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[She makes a face because it really does sound absurdly excessive when she says it out loud. She huffs.]
...Something like that.
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While it is a possibility that the universe will eventually reach a point where its resources are unable to sustain its population, that seems... short-sighted.
（ this man will tell thanos he's a dumbass to his actual face, tbqh. ）
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I know, right? I agree with you. With those stones…he could have created more resources, you know? He could have done anything. He chose to destroy.
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